Small Pieces of Me

Chapter 1: Silence of the suburbs

The first place I saw her was also the last.

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It was a September night when we triggered the chain reaction that would eventually put our town on the cover of TIME magazine. I was a Junior, and it’s not like I knew that we were going to do something illegal, but in my gut, I had a hunch that whatever it was, it would be frowned upon by the local authorities.

When I felt the cool breeze hit my face, my eyes focused on the moon. It was funny how something that mesmerized me as a child had lost its allure, now that I knew it was simply a huge, floating rock. Perhaps rather than being comical, it was sad, but that was just one of those realizations we come to as we grow up.

I stood below Logan’s bedroom window waiting for her to sneak out. To be perfectly clear, none of this was my idea, but as a loyal friend, I felt obligated to fulfill my duty.

 I was sure Logan was busy making her mom tea. It was standard for her to put sleeping pills into the hot beverage her mom would drink before bed. I know it probably sounds as bad as it was, but Logan’s mom wasn’t exactly a contender for ‘mother of the year’.

“This is the part where you serenade me!” Logan said, snapping me out of my daze. She was about to come down from her window but her blonde hair whipped around before she vanished into her room.  The light in her room turned to darkness and I waited patiently, clinging my fingers to the straps of my backpack.

Our quiet town of Bridgecroft was a blank canvas for Logan to paint different shades of red. Considering, that the most exciting thing in our town was a twenty-foot garden gnome,  it didn’t take much debauchery to upset the neighbours. As if being outside past midnight wasn’t suspicious enough, I was dressed in black and had a bag of tools on my back.

 “I’ll make sure to bring my guitar next time,” I joked. She gathered her hair to the side and tilted her head.

“Did you get the stuff?” Logan whispered.

“Yeah, I got backups too,” I said and felt proud of myself.

 Slowly, she swung her body over the window sill, tiptoed to the lattice and climbed down. I always stood right underneath just in case she would slip.

“Josh, you would make the perfect boyfriend, you know that?” I did my best not to read too much into her comments but sometimes they got to me. A shiver ran down my spine and I realized the temperature was dropping.

“That would be false. I hate chick flicks and I wouldn’t want to be subjected to watching them,” I said. I knew that Logan lived vicariously through romantic movies with happy endings and I was just messing with her. She grunted to herself and shifted her eyes in my direction.

“Wow I just remembered what a douche you can be... Thanks!” Logan said. I smiled. The only serious girlfriend I ever had could testify that I was, in fact, a pretty great catch. I guess she hadn’t realized it at the time.

“Just keepin’ it real.” I reached into my backpack and took out a small drill with different attachments. “What are we going to do with this?” I asked. Her chin lifted and a wide smile appeared on her face. I shook my head and tried to subdue my eyes from rolling. It didn’t work. She never told me what the master plan was.

“Josh, don’t ruin my mojo!” She whined. “This will be epic!” As soon as she said it I started feeling nervous.  Logan always said things were going to be epic when there was a possibility for us to get arrested.

An athletic sixteen-year-old boy, like me, was probably a hot commodity in prison. I cringed to myself and couldn’t help the disgusted look that spread over my face.

“What’s wrong with you?” Logan asked and pulled her hood over her head. For once she was wearing a hoodie that didn’t come from my closet.

“Nothing… Remind me to start looking for a good lawyer on Monday.” I laughed to myself but Logan didn’t understand.

“You can have my dad, but if his lawyering skills are as good as his paternal ones… Then you’re shit out of luck, J-Rock.”

“You know I hate it when you call me that,” I said and gritted my teeth but I was unable to be mad at her. She liked pushing my buttons and I secretly loved that she gave me a nickname. Logan never did that for anyone else and it gave me a sense of belonging.

“That’s precisely why I like to call you J-Rock, J-Rock.” A smile spread on her lips.

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By the end of the night Logan’s plan needed some fine-tuning.  Even a small drill made enough noise to wake up house pets and angry men in patterned pajamas. Thankfully, the two of us had superb lungs and swimmer’s legs that we put to use. We could outrun most people, probably not the police, although that was still up for debate.

 Unscrewing and switching the address numbers off of all twenty-eight houses on our street took about two hours.  The effort and sore legs were worth the satisfaction in Logan’s eyes.

“Good thinking with the backup screw drivers, boss,” Logan praised me.  I smiled and restrained myself from patting her on her back, or worse, hugging her.

 “So what happens now?”  I asked.

“We wait for the weekend when everyone orders takeout and pizza.” I smiled at the thought of utter chaos that was going to take place the following day; the mailman delivering mail to the wrong houses.  “I bet some people won’t even notice,” She said.

We started walking in the direction of our friend Charlie’s house and I could tell by the look in Logan’s eyes that she wanted to tell me something.Her pinky linked with mine and I wished things were different. I wanted to hold her hand. No. I needed to hold her hand.

After a few minutes of silence, Logan stopped in her tracks. “Sometimes I think about what it would be like to kiss you.” Her thoughts rolled off her tongue. I knew whatever my response would be, disappointment would follow. I didn’t say anything. I just smiled.

The first time I saw Logan, she sat on her roof smoking a cigarette and playing with her iPod. We were both thirteen then and she seemed like someone who had everything figured out.  In the few years of our friendship, Logan slowly revealed to me something that changed my perception of her completely.

Have I ever wanted something so much it hurt inside? I did. Every day I wished for Logan to be normal. Not because I wanted her to change, but because I knew that was all she ever wanted. 

It didn’t matter if we both hoped for something more to grow out of our friendship, I knew it would never work.  I thought she was perfect and I wanted her to see herself through my eyes. She put most of her energy into putting on a brave face and a happy façade. Her goal was to be normal, but Logan never had the chance.  

The problem was that no matter how much she wanted to, she could never let a boy get close. Vivid memories prevented her from many human interactions. Logan wasn’t a hugger and she liked her space.  A lot. She cringed at the thought of being touched in any way. That was not a problem until her words changed the status of my seemingly platonic feelings for her.

Author’s note:

Hey guys! Thanks for reading you awesome people :) If you have any critique or advice I would love for you to let me know because I want to improve my writing. I value honestly above all, so even if you didn't like it please tell me!

Adieu!