The AWFUL Manifesto: An Introduction

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That was a horrific moment, that moment in eighth grade. My English teacher made the assignment clear: write a little ditty about a literary element and sing it to the class.

Being the little go-getter I was, I scribbled down the first line that sprung in my brain, and the rest was just an uncontrollable stream. My incredible word-weaving powers broke out, pouring onto the little page until nearly overflowing.

“Who wants to read for us?”

My hand shot up.

“Go ahead.” Holy turd. The teacher just nodded at me.

Settle down, butterflies. Inhale, exhale. Go:

"Do you wanna have some conflict?

It’s what creates the plot!

It’s a big challenge to defeat,

Main character must beat.

It matters a whole lot!"

After a moment of dead stunned silence, the kids erupted with thunderous claps.

My teacher grinned as she scrawled on a clipboard. “That was wonderful. You've sure got a way with words. And such a magnificent voice, too!”

“Yeah. Like a girl,” taunted the loudmouth kid in the back, as if that were the most disgusting thing in existence.

And truthfully so.

That awful moment inspired me to pen this A.W.F.U.L. Manifesto--All Women Fuck Up Life.

You know how genetic mutations are held up as evidence against the existence of an almighty, all-loving, moral, logical god?

Women are the same way.

Semantically, they are no more than a “wo-wo-wo” on a man. Quite accurate indeed, unfortunately. In fact, I approve of feminazi terminology when it comes to women’s title: Womyn. Womon. Womban. Anything to distance them from us men would be splendid.

Biologically, they are retards of development. Every human had breasts and clitoral tissue early in the womb, but we men eventually moved past such pre-infantile features and grew up, leaving females just how they were as 16-week-old fetuses. That sure explains why the female gender loves to pout and wail--they just won’t mature. I wouldn’t be surprised if rattles were the hottest accessory of the next season.

Morally, they are demon swine. You thought I was going to crack here, didn’t you? Did you think I would admit that women love to bundle up stranded shivering puppies and lend their dinner to emaciated nigger kids in Africa? You are correct on those points. But do those cases matter? They’re Nazi-supporting-Aryan cases here. Bring men into the picture and all those courtesies fly out the window. Women are filthy parasites, feeding off our sperm, our wallets, our hobbies, our sex drives--our world.

When society hands its reins to these vicious worms, shit goes down in crazytown.

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