consistency is a virtue that i obvs dont have

C H A P T E R 6


That night when she went to sleep, her mind was swimming with thoughts about everything. She thought about her sister and Drake, she thought about school and she thought about work. She kept her mind busy, the most she could not to fall asleep but there is only so long a person can stay awake before crashing; her's was just a few hours after she went to bed.

It was the same.

The dream is always the same.

It starts with her sister sitting down next to her at the park, Avery next to her. She can see their mouths moving but she can't hear anything just yet. She sees herself smile and wave at Drake. He jogs to where they are, he looks so young. They were just 11 and half back then. It was half through the summer, the air felt warm and humid but at the same time just right, the right kind of hot to make everything shine. She noticed neither of their parents were there, just Drake's mom. She was the background, just looking out for the children occasionally, and then she continued to read her book. Avery's and Amy's parents were suppose to arrive any second and none of them could wait. They were going to go to out to the pool today, and their their mom had let them stay at Drake's for the night and promised she would pick them up at the park later.

Everything was fine, but then the air got hot, too hot. It felt suffocating but they don't seem to notice, they continue with their conversation as the air gets harder to breath in.

Thats when the sound seems to return; when all they hear is the screech of a tire and a scream. All of them whip their heads to the sound and Amy seems to react first as she stands up and starts screaming, and Drake's mom, alarmed, looks up from her book and runs to the children. Avery cant seem to know how to breath as she watches her mom's car crash into another, and she then starts screaming, with all shes got. Drake's mom takes the three of them and hugs them as she yells for someone to call 911, right now. Avery breaks away from Caroline, Drake's mom, and runs towards her mother's car but then Drake breaks away from his moms hold to Avery and just takes her hand and engulfs her into a tight embrace to stop her from having the image of her mother dying inside the car burned into her mind. She cries into his chest and then when the paramedics get there for what it seems like a lifetime, Avery has no tears to cry with anymore, she's empty.

The medics are yelling to get their mom into the car and Amy runs to her sister and comforts her. When they ask who is going to drive with their mom, Drake's mom goes because Amy and Avery arent letting go of each other; they are both sure of what's coming and they are not ready to face it yet.

At the hospital, they sit in the waiting room as they wait for any news of their mother. Thats when their father arrives. There are dried tears on his cheeks and he seems agitated. He looks around for his daughters and runs to them, hugging them tight and reassuring everything is going to be fine, there is mother is going to be okay, but neither of the three seem to believe those words.

After what seems like hours, the doctor finally comes. He is wearing a grimace on his tired face, sweat dripping from his forehead. He looks at the family and feels a weight on his chest, the one he feels everytime he fails to save a life. He tells them, how they tried their best and did all they could but their mother was long gone now. That she was full force by the other driver - who also didn't make it ( that piece of information sits on their heart like a compensation, a way of telling them they aren't the only ones crying right now, they arent the only ones getting this news, it sits on their heart like a ton of bricks ) - and that she received too much damage to make it. That there is nothing they could have done and that he is so terrible sorry for their loss. He turns around and doen't dare turn around when all he hears is a soft sob. He tried his best, is what he will always tell himself. He tried his best and he couldnt have done more, but sometimes he doent quite believe it. It doent sit right on his stomach, he feels like the world's on his shoulders right now, and he let it fall into the deep, dark space to fall and crash.

Amy cries and cries but Avery and her father dont, because they dont have any tears to go with. Drake cries, for the sake of Avery, because she was also like his second mom. Because she was there for him all the time and helped him so much and he cant believe he wont see her anymore.

Avery doent cry when they go to her funeral, she doent cry when they say goodbye but she lets her sister cry on her shoulder. When the funeral is over, she is tired of hearing everyone say they are sorry because she knows they arent. She knows they dont feel the same pain she does, they dont how confused and lonely she feels right now, the hole on her heart that she will never feel up again. They dont know, but Avery doent't want them to feel this kind of pain either.

When the dream is almost over, the air seems to return to normal, but it doent feel right to continue smiling like before.

Re-written - 2 of June 2014

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