Your Forgotten

• xii •

Dedicated to frenchtoastss  for being her awesome self. You may not know but you motivate me to keep updating ❤❤

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11:59pm
Friday, 2nd of June, 2017.

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To the woman who birthed me,

I don't know what's going on but you seem... different.

First was the quirky notes yesterday, this morning you came to my room and just stood there. I pretended to be asleep but every of my senses were awake.

The intensity of your gaze made my body itch all over and I was tempted to open my eyes and then I heard you sniff but before I could open my eyes you were gone.

Today was boring and your husband didn't leave the house and I had to put up with his loud bad taste in music.

I went to the alley, hoping to find Maggie there but I was met with a bunch of street kids so I went back inside.

This evening you came back a bit early and I heard you enter your room and slam the door. I'd put off the TV and was about to lie down and stare at the ceiling till midnight like every other night.

Then I heard tiny knocks on my room door and my heart rate went up but before I could stop over thinking, you opened the door a little bit, enough for your head to pass through.

"You're still awake." You said as you took tentative steps inside my room and I just sat on the bed watching your every move.

You dropped my phone on the table and sat at the very edge of my bed.

Something was definitely wrong... Or -dare I say it- right?

"You know he's just looking out for you right?" you said and I snorted.

My legs were folded under my sheets as I watched you look at everywhere but at me. Your slumped shoulders and tired eyes made me worry.

I remembered when it seemed like you didn't have anyone else to talk to but me, even though they were mostly lies and cover ups about how you really felt, you still talked.

"What's wrong?" I asked but immediately felt stupid.

Obviously everything. Everything was wrong.

You took in a deep breath through your nose and then turned to me.

"What about me?" you asked.

A beat passed and I waited for you to continue.

Your eyes finally connected with mine. "You know I'm looking out for you right?"

I don't know if it was just me but your eyes always held this... Deepness. Whenever you looked at me like that it always broke my resolve.

Nevertheless, I knew what you wanted to hear. "I know. "

"You do know that everything I do is for you right?"

"I know."

I wanted to say more but I don't know why but I couldn't. Maybe because last time 'saying more' earned me a slap.

"Then why?" Your eyes glistened.

"Why? " you asked again. "Why would you think that I don't love you?"

Because you don't show it. I wanted to say.

Because you left me when I needed you the most.

Because you never wanted to understand me.

Because you never listened to my words or my silence.

Because you don't know me anymore.

We don't know each other anymore.

I opened my mouth to speak, to tell you all these things but my mouth had a mind of its own.

"Do you love me?"

You wiped your eyes. "Mola you know everything I do, everything I am is for you."

That didn't answer the question.

"Do you still care?"

"Why would you even think that? Have I ever showed you that I don't?"

You asked that question but you sure weren't ready for an answer.

The question did hurt your pride as a mother didn't it? Well it should.

I just want you to stop ma.

Stop trying to justify your actions all the time and try to listen for once.

Stop giving yourself excuses for your shortcomings and just listen for once.

Stop trying to run faster than your legs, you're leaving yourself behind.

You're leaving me behind.

You can't climb to the top and hide there, just come down. I'm down here, please just come down and be with me.

Even though you came to my room this evening to reassure yourself that you don't suck as a mother.

I guess I could say we made progress.

Hopefully.

Your Forgotten,
Mola.