When You're Lost

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Hello, friends.

It has been an extremely long time since I have updated Christians - Remember Why, and I wish I was returning with a joyous new devotion, but sadly, I am not. I have been absent for so long, mostly because I have been battling depression for the past few years which makes it so, so hard for me to do the things that I once loved (like writing). But, if I were to be honest, there is another reason I have not been back to post a new devotion.

Sometimes, I feel as though everyone that reads my devotions sees me in a brighter light than others. They think I have everything put together and know a vast amount of information about God. The truth is, I have fallen so far that I cannot find my way back up. The past few months (since around February 2017) have been the hardest and most confusing days for my faith, since I first became a Christian in 2011. I no longer have a desire to grow closer to God, to follow His word, to go to church, to engage in fellowship or to listen to the worship music that I once adored.

I am angry with God for the first time since I began my journey with Him, and as I try to understand Him more and more, I only grow angrier. I know how to believe, but I have lost the ability -or the will- to follow.

I share this with you all, not looking for advice or sympathy, but so that everyone knows I am far from perfect in my faith. In this chapter, I have no answers for you. I have no words of guidance or assurance. I am lost and if you are lost too, I can not tell you which path leads to Jesus. I cannot say 'It will be okay, just stay strong in your faith!' because I know that it is not always going to be okay. I have no idea if I will be returning to finally continue Christians - Remember Why. Maybe someday, I will 'remember why' myself and be able to write about God again. For now, I don't see the light at the end of that tunnel.

So, guard your hearts and faiths tightly, friends. And as I always say 'Have a Christ-centered day', or if you are in my boat, just..

Breathe, and have 'a day'.

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