CHAPTER TWENTY ONE
ALL night kihyun was wondering if there was a difference between loving someone and being in love with them.
he even researched it.
in the end, he concluded with: yes, yes, there was a difference. and kihyun was so, completely in love with changkyun, it almost terrified him. it wasn't having those feelings that scared him, it was the fact that they were so strong, he could barely focus on eating his cereal the next morning because he was intently thinking about changkyun's dimple, he started to choke. tragic, he thought as he tipped the milk down the drain. kihyun really needed to get a grip on the situation. and as soon as possible. he had to act like his regular self around the boy. well, the more 'calm' version of himself, as if it actually existed.
he had openly admitted with himself a few times that he loved things about changkyun. that was different, he found out online—loving how he laughed at a joke was about him. loving how his nose scrunched up, or how his eyes pressed shut as he giggled away, was all him.
so, kihyun knew he was in love, and he had to stop reminding himself about it every two seconds.
otherwise, he would more than likely do something humiliating in front of changkyun. like always. the exact same boy who was also currently less than one meter away from him, sitting cross-legged on the chair behind the front desk. he wasn't feeling well enough to skate again that night, although his eyes didn't look exhausted, skin back to its natural glow, he insisted he wanted to sit out and spend his time with kihyun.
skates cleaned and arranged in correct order an hour ago, kihyun was currently standing next to changkyun, shuffling through the radio.
it was a quiet night, only old ballads seemed to be playing on every station. so, kihyun left it on a song he could recognize. it didn't exactly help that the song was about a boy falling in love with a girl, and, coincidentally, kihyun could relate to every word that was sung. even if he was a boy in love with another boy. a strange pain in his chest, hands beginning to get clammy, the unspoke sentence taunted him. just tell him already. it sat impatiently at the front of him mind. as the seconds went on, kihyun grew increasingly more nervous, and not handling the atmosphere he inadvertently created, he hurriedly changed the station.
after an hour, then two passed, kihyun was done with all his work. now, he sat on the desk, legs dangling over the side as he watched changkyun spin in the chair.
"question," he announced, still spinning in circles.
"yes?" kihyun clasped his hands together in his lap, already feeling his stomach churn from nerves, even though the other hadn't said anything yet.
"favourite month?"
"november." body relaxed a fraction from the innocent question. "you?"
changkyun smiled, "easy. july. what's so special about november?"
"november is my birthday."
kihyun wanted to say more, literally anything else, because he realized how egotistic he sounded as soon as those words slipped from his mouth. maybe, he should add that the weather was great around november, that he got to spend time with his family, but he knew that was all a lie.
"wait, what day?" changkyun stopped moving in the chair.
scratching the nape of his neck, he quickly answered: "twenty-second."
with his thoughts clouded and blurry, as clear as the sky that night, kihyun heard the other mumble the date of his birthday under his breath. it was adorable, and if he wasn't internally freaking out, then he would've said that out loud. but, perhaps, it was for the best he kept his mouth shut.
"so... july..." kihyun rubbed his hands together. "why is that your favourite month?"
"it's a nice month."
there was a hesitation in his tone, which made kihyun curious.
"nice?" he chuckled.
"yes, and," changkyun lightly tapped his foot on the counter, starting to twirl around in the chair again, "it reminds me of something really important to me." there was a small lift on the corner of his lips, and even when he had his head tilted down, continuously going in and out of kihyun's sight, the shade of scarlet that painted his cheeks wasn't completely invisible.
later, when kihyun watched as changkyun and nayoung were walking away, he wished he got to be around changkyun more. just a tiny bit longer.
strangely enough, as he thought that, the two had stopped walking. the girl held changkyun's shoulders, said boy nodding at whatever she was saying. next thing kihyun knew, the boy was slowly heading in his direction, hands lifted in front of him slightly. it felt like kihyun's feet were on autopilot, because he was suddenly moving towards changkyun.
"kihyun," voice raised, "where are you? i want to hug you before i go."
cheeks warm, he replied, "i'm here," gently holding one of changkyun's hands.
the boy let out a surprised sound, probably not expecting kihyun to be so close. they became shy as they stood there. but when nayoung cupped her hands around her mouth and yelled just hug him, changkyun shook his head lightly, smile on his face. kihyun made the first move, stepping forward and wrapped his arms around changkyun's shoulders, while the other put his arms around his waist. it was nice. incredibly nice. when changkyun pulled away, he muttered a goodbye, cheeks aglow as he walked back to nayoung, then out of the arena.
kihyun stayed standing there and thought about everything he wanted to say to changkyun.
tell him that his hugs were soft; voice gentle and tranquil. maybe, throw in that he had really good taste in music. possibly even ask if they could hang out again one day, go to the park and lay on the grass while they listened to all of his favourite songs.
most importantly, he wanted to tell changkyun he loved him.
but how?
—
a/n: this is my birthday present to all you lovelies!
+ thank you to those people who are always so kind to me, you make me feel more inspired:')
