Funny Fred and George Jokes and Quotes

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Hello! Happy April Fool's Day! Did you know it's also Fred and George's birthday? Yep! So, in dedication and honor of our favorite pair of twins, I decided to make this tiny little book of jokes and quotes. Enjoy!


What’s Snape’s boggart? 

A cauldron full of shampoo!

Knock knock 
Who's there
You know 
You know who 
It's Voldemort, fear of the name only increases fear of the thing itself.

How many centaurs does it take to light up a wand? 
None, Mars is unusually bright today. 

How many Weasleys’ does it take to light up a wand?
Who needs a lighted wand, with all that bright red hair?

Seven: Ginny to look upset and do nothing, Ron to sulk about not getting credit for lighting up the last one, Fred and George to try and blow it up, Percy to yell at Fred and George, Charlie to hold it in front of a cranky dragon, and Bill to roll his eyes at all of them.
One, but they'll have to search through a pile of the twins' fake ones first.

How many Ravenclaws does it take to light up a wand?

Twenty-one Ravenclaws: five running around the library to find the quickest, most effective manner. Seven to practice the spell to make sure that it’s safe and it works. Three to inform the professors of what they're doing so they can get the credit. Four to contemplate over whose wand has the best core material for performing the spell. One to stand by with a fire extinguisher just in case and one to actually light the wand.

Yo momma's so fat her patronus is a cake.

Yo momma's so fat the Sorting Hat placed her in all four houses.

Yo momma's so stupid she married a muggle.

Yo momma's so fat her boggart took one look at her and turned into a salad.

I think it's nice that Voldemort always waits until the end of the school year to try and kill Harry. Despite his flaws, Voldemort really cares about Harry's education.

How to know if you're obsessed with Harry Potter...

Your computer says "You've Got Mail" and you run outside looking for an owl. 
You ask for a broom for Christmas.
You sort everyone you meet into the four Hogwarts houses.
You went out and bought the latest edition of the Webster's Dictionary because they added the word "muggle". 
You were burned trying to get through the flames of your fireplace.
You were kicked out of the movie theater for standing on your chair, throwing your shoe at the screen and yelling "THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN IN THE BOOK!


'Oh, are you a Prefect, Percy?' said one of the twins, with an air of great surprise. 'You should have said something, we had no idea.'
'Hang on, I think I remember him saying something about it,' said the other twin. 'Once– '
'Or twice–'
'A minute– '
'All summer–'
'Oh, shut up,' said Percy the Prefect.

'Now, you two – this year, you behave yourselves. If I get one more owl telling me you've – you've blown up a toilet or –'
'Blown up a toilet? We've never blown up a toilet.'
'Great idea though, thanks, Mum.'
'It's not funny. And look after Ron.'
'Don't worry, ickle Ronniekins is safe with us.'
'Shut up,' said Ron again.

'Don't, Ginny, we'll send you loads of owls.'
'We'll send you a Hogwarts toilet seat.'

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