faded emotions

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so many new gifts, so many new toys loitered around. oh god how happy he looked. his laughter; i tried memorizing it with all i had. i would ask him to laugh and he would stare at me weird. i would make up a joke and he wouldn't laugh anymore, not at all understanding what it meant. i would keep my gaze at him and he would ask me if I'm afraid he'd go out of my sight.

such a little boy he was. he fought so hard to keep the demons away. always looking around to make sure none of it touched him. such a little boy he was.

so many new voicemail, so many relatives wished him. oh god how sad they sounded. their cries; i tried to forget them with everything i had. i would ask them to pray and they would show sympathy. i would talk about what i felt and they would listen silently, not knowing what to do. i would ask them to come visit and they would ask me how he was doing.

such supportive people they were. they all looked out for the demons. always checking up on us to make sure he was still there. such supportive people they were.

so many new calls, so many angry texts from his mum. oh god how angry she sounded. her yells; i tried to calm her down with all i had. i would tell her about the progress and she would sigh. i would comfort her and she would ask me if everything would be fine, very well knowing the answer herself.

such a worried mum she was. she tried everything she could to fight the demons. always taking a break from her job to take care of him. such a worried mum she was.

so many old words, so many hope i offered. oh god how hard i tried. my hope; i tried to hold on to it. i would ask myself when was the last time i showered, but i don't remember. i would ask myself if i knew about anything anymore.

such a sad person i am. i couldn't look out for the demons. always inviting them in to consume me. such a sad person i am.

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