Art and Obligation

Chapter 20

For John it felt strange to be back in Liverpool, to be back to doing his regular job with the same old people, and live in the same old house again. So much had changed during those two weeks of travelling with Paul, none of which he had shared with anyone yet, knowing it would be too dangerous, especially for Paul. And even if it wasn't, he knew no one would react positively to the news of their newly established relationship. Yet, he fell back into the rhythm of the day with ease, and managed to keep ahead of his work, despite the many times his mind drifted off to more pleasant things, such as the image of a brown-haired young man with pretty doe eyes that were glazed over with lust as he lay under him in his Parisian bed, his head resting on a fluffy white pillow, while his pink lips trembled with need as he whispered his name in a voice that made the hairs on John's arms stand up, even if he could not actually hear him. Occasionally, he would pause in his work to scold himself, needing to focus on what he was working on, only to take up the fantasy later in the privacy of his own room.

Mr. Edwards had been proud when he had shared the news about Mr. Arpin and his willingness to take him on as an artist and see what he could do for him. He had patted him warmly on the back as he had congratulated him, telling him how he had always known John's talent would get him somewhere, and how John could always come to him if he needed anything. Stuart had felt happy for him as well, though there had been some tension between them when he had told him so. John could understand why; he knew how much Stuart wanted recognition for his work, and if there was anyone who deserved that, it was him. But being the good friend and kind soul he was, Stuart hadn't said anything of it and had merely smiled before he had turned around to pour them something to drink in celebration of the good news.

Although everyone around him appeared more than impressed by the news, however, having also received delighted felicitations from other people, such as Cynthia, but also his aunt Mimi, who had barely ever shown any interest in his choice of career, John did not share their enthusiasm. Not that he wasn't grateful for the opportunity. He was well aware of how lucky he was, and was incredibly happy that his career was developing into the direction he had always hoped it would, but his mind kept drifting to other matters that kept him occupied.

He had not heard from Paul at all since they had arrived in Liverpool and Paul had brought him home. He had helped John carry his luggage out of the coach, and wished him goodnight with one last gentle kiss in the shadow of the carriage, where no one would be able to see them, before he had climbed back inside and had driven off to his own home, leaving John standing on the pavement with a goofy grin on his face that he would not normally admit to if someone were to accuse him of it. They hadn't spoken since, and neither had Paul shown up to work on his portrait that Wednesday afternoon, which left John disappointed, but mostly worried, wondering what his father could possibly have wanted to discuss with him that would warrant Paul to come home a day early. He could only imagine it had something to do with his future marriage, but Paul had said himself he still had two months to find himself a wife before his father would do it for him - months Paul had intended to spend quite differently from what his father wanted. Apart from that, he had no idea what else it could be, seeing as he barely knew anything about the family that was not already known to the larger public, leaving him with too few and yet too many options at the same time. In truth, all he knew was that it had to have been something serious, as Paul had gone rather pale when he had read the letter, but apart from that, he was clueless.

He had attempted to find out more by asking innocuous-sounding questions to various people, of whom Stuart, Cynthia, Mr. Edwards, Aunt Mimi, the postman, a police officer, and even Dot, were just a few, but that had proven to be a fruitless endeavour. He had asked Richard as well, who, as he had learned from Stuart, had needed to sail out again a lot sooner than anyone had expected, and whom he had sent a long letter explaining what had happened in Paris, while leaving out every little thing that could point to his and Paul's growing relationship with meticulous precision, before asking if he knew anything that could be the cause of their early departure. Of course, the fact that Richard was at sea made it so his letter would not reach him for a while, but he figured it was worth a try. The man had an ear for gossip, something he had failed to appreciate before.