Chapter 23

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"Okay, I'll send the notes on the adjustments I made today via email, don't worry about it," I said into the phone as I went through the document folder on my laptop. I was talking to Felix. It wasn't the fun-filled conversations we used to have before all the shit show happened and rained on our parade. It was short, blunt and straight to the point talk about the project we were working on.

I was about to hang up when Felix suddenly spoke up.

"Hey!" He started, his yell surprising me. I frowned as he went silent. "I'm sorry for yelling. I just wanted to know if you'd be up for a video call—"

"To do what?" I asked, cutting him mid-sentence.

"I was wondering if you'd like to have a video call..." he repeated in a trail. "I wanted to tell you something, but it can wait—"

"I'll set up my laptop," I said into the phone, cutting him off. He mumbled something along the line of 'thank you' before hanging up. I put my phone away, heading to set up my laptop on my bed. Once I opened the google hangouts tab I noticed that Felix was online, and in the next two minutes, he sent a video call request that I answered. It took a while for us to be face to face.

His dark eyes were framed with dark circles, and his face looks pale like he was nervous about something. I looked away, feeling my chest swell with mixed emotions.

"Well," I started, looking up. "What did you want to tell me?"

Felix opened his mouth then closed it as he frowned briefly. I cocked my head, watching him repeat the motion for about a minute and a half.

"If you have nothing to say maybe I should log—"

"Wait!" He yelled, making me look up at him. My features softened when I was meet with pained looking eyes. Felix bit his bottom lip, looking away.

"I do have something to say," he said, sitting up in his chair as he stared at me. "I've been refusing to tell you something. I think I should now."

I shrugged, watching him. "Go ahead," I said, watching as he looked away from me again.

"When Amanda and I dated..." he trailed, biting his bottom lip. He let out a sigh, covering his mouth before taking a few breaths before looking at me again.

"When Amanda and I dated," he said again, but with a firmer voice. "I knew I liked her, but I really couldn't do anything with her. I wasn't sure why — we tried. I couldn't even kiss her," he said, making me stare at him.

Where's he going with this? I asked myself, watching him. He was shaking now, opening and closing his mouth like he was trying to look for the best arrangement for his next set of words.

"Then we'd date and break up when Amanda got mad at me for not being able to do anything. I confused and frustrated her, and I acknowledge that. I was trying to figure out something — fix something that I believed needed fixing, and I used her to try and do that, whether I intended to or not," he said, letting out a sigh afterward. "I've talked to her, and we've talked it through."

I nodded at him as I watched him fidget from the camera. He was trying his best to look at anything but me. He ran a hand through his hair, sighing as he looked back up.

"I wasn't sure what that was about, and I still didn't know what I was trying to fix, but then I met you and I was like: 'Oh! That makes sense, I'm just gay!', but although I wanted to kiss you and stuff, anytime I thought of something more personal I just mentally froze over. I'm not sure how to explain it..." he trailed.

"Oh," I said, frowning. I was getting a bit confused. Is this his way of telling me he doesn't like me? My thoughts were messy, but I tried to arrange them long enough for me to listen to what he had to say next.

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