RMYG :Chapter 4

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Remember Me…Your Girlfriend?

Chapter Four

“You sure you’re okay?” Alexis asks carefully, looking really concerned.

I swallow down the lump in my throat that feels like the size of a golf ball and nod, forcing a smile for her.

Matthew hasn’t looked at me ever since we all sat down on a lunch table together; he was looking down at his hamburger while playing with the salad on the side.

I said I was going to be okay with them dating and Alexis was not testing or taking advantage of my exception, because for starters, she is sitting next to me and not Matthew, who is seated across from us. Alexis understood how awkward this must be for me, so she tried to ease me into the fact that Matthew and her are together by not touching him too much. I was grateful for that, it helped a little, but the thought of them together is enough to set me off ease.

Alexis turns back to her food, but no one of us seems to be able to eat. I don’t know why, but I feel bad for Alexis right now. This situation must affect her the most.

A part of me says that she deserves to feel bad, but the other part of me, the stronger part, feels bad for her. I wish I could be so mad at her and start yelling at her and Matthew for being so careless to just break my heart. But I can’t. I’m too much of a coward to do so.

And besides, I’m the one that moved, can I blame Matthew for moving on? What better person to move on to than Alexis?

Stop it! Why are you doing this to yourself! Stop blaming everything on yourself.

As always, I don’t listen to my conscious that tries to help me feel better about myself. I abruptly stand up, making both Matthew and Alexis look up startled. I can’t do this. Not right now. “I’m going to the ladies room.” I say a little shaky, already moving out of the bench.

Alexis stand up too, “I’ll come with you.” She says with a smile. I know that smile is just to make me feel better, but it’s not working.

“Alone.”

Alexis smile fades and she nods in understanding clearly upset at my rejection.

I walk away with a heavy heart. I hate seeing her like that. I hate seeing anyone like that. I regret being so mean to her, but I couldn’t do anything about it now.  

“Welcome back, Vanessa.” Amy, a girl my age and my former Math tutor I had three years ago, greeted me with a smile while we passed in the hallway. She and I have hung out during exams while she helped me study.

“Thanks.” I give her a plastered smile and continue down the hallway, the ladies room just at the far left.

When I enter, my hopes of being alone are washed away. Most of the popular girls were busy at the mirrors, redoing their hair and makeup. They only gave me a glance to see who was the new comer, but turned back to their reflections when they saw it was just another loser.

 A girl that has just washed her hands gives me a weird look when she saw me hesitating at the door. I quickly move aside and she walks past me. To not look like an idiot, I quickly went into one of the stalls. I let out my breath, holding in my tears. This day has turned out suckish. Suckish doesn’t even cut it, more like horrible, terrible humiliating. I stand awkwardly in the stall, looking at the wall.

I wait a few seconds before flushing to make it seem like I’ve just used it and I walk out of the stall again. The popular girls are still busy at the mirrors, but I saw one sink open, so I went over to it and washed my hands.

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