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NOW

ALICE'S HEART still ached at the thought of James Barnes, her world - her first and last love. That name was carved into her beating heart and would never leave her.

They say there are five stages of grief that everyone goes through after losing a loved one.

Number one, denial and isolation.

When Steve came home from that mission back in 1945 all alone - that's when Alice Murphy's life changed forever. Her world had shattered. It had died, because James was her world. After the news of Bucky's death, the brunette refused to believe the love of her life was truly gone. He had promised her he would return and they would finally be together. Bucky wouldn't break a promise to his Alice, would he?

Alice couldn't cope with those life changing words she was told, so - she hid. She locked herself in her and Bucky's room, staying in the one place that still felt like him. The brunette wrapped herself in the silk sheets they had slept in every night together, basking in the small hint of his cologne that still lingered. She laid on his pillow each night and whispered 'I love you' over and over again as she wiped her tear stained cheeks. Alice told herself repeatedly that Bucky wasn't dead, he was just on a mission. Alice was in denial.

Number two, anger.

Alice felt a burning hatred forming in her chest as days rolled by without her. The brunette had managed to cry herself dry and was left with nothing but anger and loneliness. Her sheets had lost any trace of her lover and the room was stale with sadness.

Steve had made a promise to go after the group that caused Bucky's death, only angering the brunette more. He wanted to leave her too, now? Move on to missions again instead of staying with Alice to grieve with her? To help her find a way to bring Bucky home?

All Alice wanted was to see Bucky again but fate wouldn't let her - and that made the brunette angry.

Number three, bargaining.

Alice would do anything and everything to get Bucky back in her arms. Each night the brunette would kneel at the side of her bed like a child, with her small hands intertwined with each other and her eyes closed. Her lips would repeat prayers up to the gods that she hadn't worshipped since she was 6 and was forced to attend church with her mother. In that moment, Alice would have sold her soul to the devil. Alice was bargaining.

Number four, depression.

Alice's heart felt empty. The brunette's bones felt like rocks that were pulling her down below the surface. The only place she wanted to be was laying in her bed, fast asleep to escape the foreboding thoughts that plagued her exhausted brain.

Her lips were dry and her skin had lost its honey tint. Her eyes were red and swollen, bags accompanying her lack of peaceful sleep. Alice felt dead.

All she wanted was to disappear - sink into the mattress that now knew every curve of her body. She wondered to herself if she could see Bucky again. Alice was overcome with depression.

Number five, acceptance.

For Alice Murphy acceptance never came. Before the brunette could heal - finally move on to a new chapter of her life, Steve left her too. The only other person she truly had left in her life was gone. She was utterly alone and her heart was truly shattered.

And so the process restarted.

DISHONEST REMARKS → BUCKY BARNES #wattys2018Where stories live. Discover now