I'm a firm believer in the saying, "everything happens for a reason." I walked into Shawn's office with hopes of him helping me. I also walked in hoping I could help him sexually. I wanted to do something for him that 20 hundred other woman couldn't do. I had no idea that I was going to fall in love with him. I mean yea, it was apart of his experiment, but the fact of the matter is I did, and I fell hard. When Shawn agreed to go out with me my heart did summersaults. The other day at the picnic when Shawn said "if I had to dream up the perfect woman, she wouldn't even come close to you" my heart melted. Now, today, Monday morning, I'm sitting in my office with my tears in my eyes and the look of disgust on my face. I sat behind my desk and listened to Shawn explain to me why he can't let Toni go. My tears are not because there is a possibility that Shawn could never love me like I know I deserve to be loved, but because Shawn was manipulated, abused, and raped at a young age and it's still happening. And the saddest part is, that he doesn't even realize it's happening. He believe with all his heart that his "auntie" helped him. Shawn is in need of some serious therapy. He needs help. But, he's never going to listen to me. He didn't listen to Laila and he's not going to listen to me, but he might listen to his mother. Maybe in some unbeknownst world, someone sent me to help Shawn, and he was sent to help me. Maybe we're supposed to help each other. Teach each other how to be loved. I've never been abused, but I've been hurt. Truthfully, I've been afraid to let anyone in since my fiancé broke my heart. Shawn helped me with that. I'm still a but wary, but I'm learning. I still have trust issues and as of right now, I'm still not ready to be in a real relationship, but I'm willing to give Shawn a chance.
"Are you crying?" He asked full of concern.
"Shawn, she raped you." I mumbled.
"No, she didn't. She did what I asked."
"Shawn you were a child."
"I was mature for my age. I knew what I was getting myself into."
I shook my head. "You need therapy. You were being manipulated and you still are. Shawn, you need help."
"Beyoncé, I'm fine. There is nothing wrong with me."
"Shawn, Toni was a grown ass woman. She could of turned you away and ended your curiosity. She didn't have to act on it. What she did was kindly raped you. She did it in a nice way. She made you think that what y'all were doing was ok. Shawn you were only 15. What if what happened to you happened to Kenzie-"
"Beyoncé, I am one of the best sex therapist in the world because of her."
"No, you're the best because you went to school and actually worked. That lady-"
"Stop it!" He shouted and I flinched. "She helped me." He said before storming out of my office. I sighed and sat back in my chair.
About 15 minutes later, Jenine knocked on my door.
"Yes?" I answered.
"Zurie is here."
I sighed. "Send her in, please."
"Toni, I don't give a damn!" I yelled into the phone.
"Shawn, don't raise your voice at me!" She yelled back. "Now, I don't know what's got you so upset, but you will not take your frustrations out on me. Like I said before, I'm busy right now. I will meet with you tonight."
"I can't wait until tonight. I'll be at your house around 1 or 2." I said before hanging up the phone. I can't get what Beyoncé said to me out of head. "What if what happened to you happened to Kenzie" keeps playing over and over and over in my head. I need to know if Toni really truly love me like I love her. I'm tired of these secrets and I'm tired of being tied down. I want to be able to wake up everyday to the woman I love. I want a little boy and I want to be married. If Toni doesn't want children, I'll accept that. But, if she doesn't want to be exclusive, I don't know. I love that woman with all of my heart and I have since I was 15, but I'm tired. I'm getting to old for this. I'll use my lunch hour to talk to Toni.