Never Let This Go *Paramore*

Chapter Twenty-Six: The Pills

"Taylor hey," I say once he opens the door.

"Spongebob!" he responds with a smile, letting me into his house. It's also my second home, but once I leave, my soul may see it differently. Or maybe just in a past tense. I peck his lips and, yet again, jump onto his couch hugging his blue pillow. "What's up?" he asks sitting on the other couch.

"You're too far!" I complain as if I'm a little kid. I get up and grab his hand, pulling him to the couch I was sitting on, and he smiles.

"Are you here to steal my house or what?" he asks me giggling like the dork he is. His chocolate brown eyes are brighter than ever, and I hate to ruin it for him by leaving, but it has to be done. I nod a yes and kiss his cheek.

"Is that all I get?" he says mocking me almost two weeks ago. I giggle at him dorkiness.

"Yeah you dork," I tell him. He gasps and I laugh some more. He tries to pull me to him but I slip out of his reach and run for the kitchen.

"Spongebob come back!" he yells chasing me. He has me cornered now in the kitchen, so I slowly approach him. I walk up to him until there is only a few inches between us and I kiss his nose.

"I really love your nose," I tell him. Using this as a distraction, I run behind him and jump on his back.

"You're so tiny," he responds to me being on him. He backs up so that I'm sitting on the counter and I let go of him. Taylor turns to face me and looks at me straight in the eyes. "Why did you come?" he asks me in a serious tone. I hesitate. Obviously I don't want any of the truth to slip out.

"Because I love you," I tell him playing with the hem of his t shirt. I kiss him, this time more passionately, and wrap my arms around his neck, tangling a hand in his curls. His hands are around my waist now, as if he's trying to hold me up, despite the counter being there.

I want to freeze in this moment with my Taylor forever, and just forget about everything. What ever lead up to us being together in the first place? Him holding me together for so long? The countless times he stuck my broken pieces back together? The glue can't hold forever though.

Eventually I pull away for air, but we go back for more, as my stomach wants to throw up rainbows. His lips are soft and welcoming. They welcome me, for sure. Soon enough our tongues start a fight, and I keep going at him like he won't be there in five minutes. He wins though, and pulls away for air. "Damn you, York," I whisper to him, out of breath.

"Look who's talking," he says with a chuckle.

"You're very distracting, you know. I could be cleaning," I tell him, half a lie.

"Would you rather clean?" he asks me in a serious tone. To answer his question, I grab the front of his shirt and pull him to me, continuing what we started. As soon as I pull away he looks pleased with the answer I gave. Taylor moves my hair behind my shoulder and kisses my temple.

"I love you so much, Hayley. I know this sounds bad, but if it weren't for you, I wouldn't have so much to look forward too," he tells me. I'm instantly confused.

"You have millions of things, I'm just a detail," I say with a confused look.

"I have some things, Hayley. I do. You are the biggest reason I have to get up early in the morning in case you surprise me with a visit. I don't know where I would be without you. You are my everything," he almost whispers.

"Taylor, I don't think you should depend on a broken piece of glass like me. No one can fix me and if you get too close, I hurt," I explain. I'm terrified now, but I still want to die no matter what he tells me.

"You can only hurt me if I approach you a certain way. Not all of you is a broken piece of glass," Taylor responds.

"I should go," I tell him quietly, he looks at me as if I have ten heads and moves so that I can jump off the counter. "I love you T, you know that, right?"

"I know. I love you too. A lot,"

-----

I basically slam the front door, not even bothering to lock it. I'm so furious with myself for doing that to Taylor! That's like worse than cheating! Instead of another man being involved you're getting all close and you just leave! The worst part is that I'm not coming back. I planned it, and it has to be done if I want G to back off.

I'm crying now, and shaking. I hate everything right now, too. I walk over to the staircase, and slowly walk up to the top of the stairs. There are plenty of pills to choose from in the bathroom for me to use...

Suddenly I'm angry. She took everything of mine, didn't she? She forced my mom to kill my dad! Now they're both dead! Erica is who knows where and Mikayla is probably crying herself to sleep all the time! My mind and body are lost to me and I can't think straight anymore. My fist makes contact with the mirror and pieces of glass are now everywhere. It shouldn't matter though, I'll be dead anyway.

I grab a razor from behind the broken mirror and slash it against my skin, but no relief is found from it. I try again and again but nothing. That's when I know that this is definitely the end.

I don't bother to clean the mess I made. Next I grab a bottle of old prescription pills and open the bottle, which takes a second considering my bloody wrists and fist. I down three pills at a time. Three. Six. Nine. Twelve. I could stop but I want more. Fifteen, eighteen, and twenty-one. Twenty-one pills. "Hayley?" I hear a familiar voice call and a door shut. I rush to put the pill bottle away so he won't think it got this far. There is broken mirror and blood on the counter though.

I'm crying and shaking more than ever, and I shut and lock the door so whoever it is, they can't get in. "Hayley, it's Taylor, open the door," he tells me. I bet he knew why I was acting weirdly. I don't respond.

I forgot that there was another door connecting to here from my room, though, and he ends up in here through there instead. "Why are you here?!" I yell at him through tears, he is crying a little too. "You have to let me do this!"

"Did you take pills?" he asks me quietly. My head is pounding and my breathing is increasing as the medicine kicks in. I don't answer. "Did you take pills?" he asks again. "I'm calling an ambulance," he tells me not waiting for an answer. I start to cry harder at not only the fact that he is trying to stop me, but the fact that he is reacting this way. Taylor gives the people the situation and my address and hangs up. I don't try to stop him.

"Would you even give a damn?!" I yell at him. "Do you think that you can just break into my house and stop me?! If I died would you give a damn?!" Taylor's crying more than ever now, still silently, but more. The yelling definitely isn't good for my head, because now it is worse, and I feel dizzy. I rub my head with my hands and wipe my tears away. Now I'm getting to weak to stand, so I slide to the bathroom floor in a corner. "Just leave, you already called for help," I tell him barely.

"I just can't believe you would come over to my house and act all happy and everything just to be shoving pills down your throat twenty minutes later!" he yells.

"Well I'm sorry I wanted to say goodbye," I whisper burying my head in my knees. The dizziness and pain of the pills I overdosed on starts to slow down, and right there in the little ball I am in the corner, I black out.

-----

Taylor's P.O.V.

As soon as she blacks out, I pick up her body and carry her out of the bathroom despite her bloody arms, and slide down the the wood floor, holding her and crying. How dare I yell at her like this, after everything. If I loose her, I loose myself too. I love her, and it's my fault that her helpless body is being held by an undeserving person like me.

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It's really looooong. No pun intended. Ha.

Sorry it's so messed up, but I wasn't thinking straight when I wrote this...I was having a bad night.

I hope the Tayley was enough in the middle of the chapter.