Chapter 19: Click clack, reload

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Hello people whom I love a lot, I'm officially here with a new chapter.

Most of you chose option two, and honestly, that was what I was hoping for, too.

Before this, I was trying to write a chapter about them in Europe and I wrote 254 words in months because I just couldn't get it done. Only 254 words. Now I wrote 2645 words in 1,5 hours because I can finally write for this again, because of you! Thank you. Thanks for choosing option 2. I love you! And for the people who chose option 1: I love you as well! And I'm sorry for choosing this. I just can't do this if I'm stuck and I hope you guys will forgive me after this. I wasn't able to reach 3k words for this chapter but I am very close! And I rather have more chapters that are a little bit shorter for this fic, than long chapters but only a handful more. I hope you understand!

Enjoy, guys. And please, please let me know what you think of this chapter!

Trigger warning for suicidal thoughts and wounds/blood


Josh and Tyler had the best time ever on their trip in Europe, but when they came back, Josh was a little absent.

"Joshua?" Tyler asked with a light frown on his forehead from the other side of the door from the hallway. "W-what?" Josh asked, sitting against the bedroom door. Tyler bit his lip as he leaned against the bedroom door and slid down until he was sitting on the cold hallway floor.

"Are you okay?" He asked just loud enough for it not to be a whisper, so that Josh could hear it even if he was on the other side of the door.

Josh closed his eyes tightly, but a tear managed to slip from between his eyelids.

"I am, don't worry", he said, trying to sound like he actually was okay, but he was not. His voice failed him, too, as his voice sounded shaky and sad.

A tear rolled down Tyler's cheek. "I love you", he choked out. Josh buried his face in his hands as more tears rolled down his cheeks. "I love you, Tyler", he said. He wiped his cheeks and picked up the gun that was in his hand. He bit his lip as he pressed the front part against the floor and brought his finger to the trigger.

The safety was still on it, so he wouldn't fire the gun, but God, he just wanted to do it. He just wanted to fire the goddamn gun once because his hands were itching so badly but he couldn't sneak out of the house with it again. That was too dangerous for both Tyler and Jimmy, and honestly, also for Josh.

He quickly let go of it and pushed it away. It slid under the bed and Josh stared at it.

"Tyler I wanna do something really stupid", Josh said.

Tyler sat up and turned around so he was on his knees. He rested his hands against the door.

"Josh? Josh. Josh please don't, please don't do anything stupid I'm begging you", Tyler pleaded.

Josh reached under the bed for the gun and grabbed it. He pushed it against his temple now, with his finger resting on the trigger.

"I won't", Josh then replied.

"I won't do anything stupid", he added as he pushed the muzzle of the gun harder against his temple.

"Do you promise?" Tyler asked, trying to hold on to the door as if he could stop Josh from doing anything stupid through that damned locked door.

Josh let go of the gun and it turned upside down, dangling from his finger that was put through the trigger guard.

"I promise, Tyler", he said. He quietly moved to the closet and hid his gun under his backpack, before he stood up and closed it. Then he unlocked the door and opened it, and since Tyler didn't notice him unlocking the door, he fell forward and hit his elbow on the ground.

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