10. Shuffling of Emotions

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Rajveer barged out of his room. His anger was still increasing incredibly. He walked towards the guest room. He lost his cool.. the ever so calm n composed Capt Rajveer Singh Shekhawat lost his cool tonight. His mind was still struggling with the dirty thoughts she had about  him. It was unbearable for him. He felt like he would die from the grief and shame, he was feeling inside.

Naina was still standing there, exactly where Rajveer had left her. She rested against the wall and fell down slowly on the ground. Hugging her legs, she rested her head on her arms. She sat there fr an hour thinking about the recent incident.

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"Damn it! Yeh maine kya kardia.. I shouldn't  have done this..." he frowned realising what  he just  did with her. His soft side was again dominating over his self respect. "Usey waqt chahiye tha... aur main humesha uske hisse k dard ko badha deta hu...damn it!" He groaned, his fingers brushing and pulling his hair in pain. His face was pale out of shock and guilt. Why he always blame himself even for doing the right things? Why? Why a husband always takes over him, making him all the way more guilty for nothing at all?

Naina was restlessly walking in her room, thinking of the past event.
"Mai aise kaise.... ye kaise ho sakta hai..kaiseeeee....." Sliding down all the things angrily with her both hands, which were resting on the shelf, breaking all the things into pieces. Pieces of glass and show pieces were scattered all over the floor, making it impossible to even walk. "Ye sach nhi hai... suna aapne ye sach nhi h. Mai kabhi bhi aapko apne karib nahin aane dungi.. suna aapne.. aur Jo bhi captain rajveer k baare me mai sochti hu, woh bilkul sach h.. bilkul sach!" , she shouted at herself, making it a final answer to the questions raised by Rajveer about her consent to this relationship. But the irony was that she was shouting on herself as she was trying to convince herself for this answer that she would never allow him to touch her!

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Raj was still upset with himself. He was still sitting there, unconsciously, a lone tear escaped his eyes. Next he felt a warm hand swiping away the tear. Rajveer looked at the person, and fresh tears started falling down his cheeks. Raj felt emotionally drained out and weak. He looked at the person to release his pain by sharing it. He engulfed him in a tight hug, bt the person, removed his hands from himself in anger. "Raj tu fir khud ko galat thehra raha hai! Mai kitna samjhaun tujhe.. Raj mai thak gya tujhe samjha samjha kar.. ab bas bohot ho gya.. ab mai tujhse tab bat karunga jab tu khud k liye.. apni respect  k liye khada hoga.. fr chahe uske liye tujhe naina ke hi khilaf kyu na khada hona pade", saying this Naveen's shadow left him alone, to deal with the situation more strongly and that too not as a weak husband Rajveer but as a strong Major Rajveer!

She was walking furiously and someone tapped on her right shoulder, she turned around to find Naveen. Her bloodshot eyes felt a little calm to find him there in front of her. She ran to hug him, but he stopped him by straightening his hand in front of her to stop her from hugging him.  "Fir Naina.. firse tujhe sirf aur srf Rajveer hi galat lg raha  hai..kyu?? Kyunki usne tujhse ek faisla lene ko kaha! Sirf isliye? Ya fr isliye ki usne teri kahi hui ghatiya soch ko nhi maana aur tuje aaina dikhaya Naina? Bol Naina... teri nafrat alag hai ... par aj tu khud soch Naina.. agar Rajveer ne tujhe aisa kaha hota toh kaisa lagta tujhe? Apna pati na sahi.. apna mentor samjh kr hi soch leti ki ye sab jo tu bol rahi hai.. uska kya asar padega Raj par! Bol NAINAAAA... bolllll..... zara soch ki agar Raj ne tujhe kaha hota aisa kuch..  soch agar Raj ne tere aur  Huda ke rishte par sawaal uthaya hota? Ya fr... chod Naina... tu kabhi nhi samjhegi.. aaj tune meri parvarish par sawal utha dia h Naina.. mujhe tujse ye ummeed nhi thi!" saying this he dissappeared, leaving a confused and hurt Naina.

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Rajveer felt frustrated and dissappointed with himself. After hearing Naveen, everything started playing again in front of his eyes, making him feel all the way more angey and his anger reached heights when he again realised what exactly her words were,  raising several questions on his character and sanity. His volcano erupted again. "Mana ki naina tum mujhe life partner k tarah se accept nhi kar payi...samjh nhi payi... pr kya tumnne mujje as a mentor bhi kbhi nhi samjha.. bs itna samjh payi ho mujje.. khud ke wajud se ghin aa rahi h mujhe.. kya mai bas itni hi izzat kama paya apne cadets ki nazro me... chiii...", holding his head in his hands, he questioned himself.

"dekhiye capt Shekhawat.... mujhe apki soch aur aukaat dono ki bohot ache se jaankari h.... ab apki bhi kuch zarurate hain..is shadi se khwahishein hain.. bt m sry mai apki ghatiya soch ko kabhi bhi kaamyab nhi hone dungi", these words were ringing in her ears, making her go mad at her own words. "Aaaahhhhhhh" she screamed, pulling her hair in frustration and anger. "Ye maine kya kardia?? Main aise kaise out of control ho sakti hoon.. meri nafrat.. mera gussa.. meri soch  ko itna gira degaaa... i just cant believe on myself! How could I?? Howww???" She trailed off leaving her last words as a whisper.

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He was  walking in the guest room with unimaginable rage in his eyes. "Vo aisa kaise soch sakti h mere bare me... mujjse galti ho gyi shayad..bohot badi glti ... mujhe Naina se shadi nhi krni chahiye thi. Naveen tera ye faisla galat sabit ho gya... main aur Naina sirf ek dusre ko taklif de sakte... srf taklif..", Saying this, he punched hard on the wall, making his hand bleed. He couldnt stand anymore, so he fell down with a thudd. He stilled there for an hour thinking and cursing his destiny.

She sat there with closed eyes, hugging her knees, eyes brimmed with tears, she started remembering the times how strong their relationship was as a mentor and protege, but how  everything has changed. Tears of disbelief rolled down her cheeks. Never in her life ever she had thought that she wud question his character ...and wud disrespect and shame him in this way. She hated him for killing her brother but as teacher, she trusted in him. But today, she is  regretting what she said to him in her rage.

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Later, he stood up, wiping his tears and face, he almost shouted , echoing the whole room, "Bas bohot ho gya... bohot.. Naina ko Rajveer samajh nhi aya na.. thik h.. ab usey Rajveer nhi balki major Rajveer ka samna karna hoga.. ab ek pati kamzor nhi padega.. blki ab tumhare saamne srf tumhara senior hoga.. uske alawa humare bich koi rishta nhi hoga.. dikhawa bhi nahin! ab tk tumne mera sabar dekha h Naina.. ab mujje tumse koi ummeed hi nhi rakhni.. naa tumse ummeed rakhunga, naa tum mujje fir taklif de paogi."

"Main unka samna kaise karungi?? Mai unke saamne kaise jaungi? Mujhe khud par control karna hoga.. mera gussa jayaz hai, pr meri badtameezi se main kisi ko bhi mere bhayya ki parwarish pr sawal nhi uthane dungi.. agar galti ki h toh sazaa k liye bhi mai tayar rahungi. subha captain Shekhawat se maafi maang lungi.. fir aage unka jo bhi faiska ho.. mai apne hisse ki maafi maang lungi.. par iska matlb ye bilkul nhi ki jo unhone kaha aur kia vo sahi tha! Lekin jo maine unhe bola vo galat tha aur main uske liye maafi bhi mangungi!", said a determined Naina.

Both of them were still awake, clearing their thoughts and making their own strategy to deal with this new problem.  Both were unaware of the time, until sunrays made its way through the windows of their rooms. Her feet, still bleeding, glass pieces still in her delicate skin making it all the way more painful. His hand, covered with blood, was swollen by now. This single  night has shuffled their emotions, many times. This painful night is definitely going to change their equation with each other, positive or negative, that would be decided by destiny and time.

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