How to change a life; chapter 5

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Sorry this took so long and is probably a dissapintment, but its just one of those bridge chapters, you know. I needed a way of leading into the next..

Thanks. xox

~

Chapter Five

Tea parties and emergencies.

I opened my eyes and stared up at the cracks in the ceiling, remembering the night before. God, my mom was such a bitch. Why cant she be a good woman with a kind heart who wants children? Like Madonna? Oh, how I envy those little African babies.

Suddenly, all the hairs on my arms stood up and I had goose pimples all over my body, it was then that I realised I was naked. There was a warm pressure sitting on my hip bone; a hand. I took a deep breath and turned to see Harry sleeping peacefully with a slight smile on his face. I turned my head around again and squeezed my eyes closed, praying that I was still asleep, that I was dreaming. But I wasn't.

I felt his arm wrap around my waist and pull me closer. He kissed behind my ear, my jaw and down my neck and onto my shoulder. "You awake?" he whispered.

"No." I lied.

Harry chuckled and entwined our fingers together. I flushed as I began to have flashbacks from the night before. "So I guess any friendship we had before is pretty much ruined, huh?" he asked.

"Yeah, but I don't think friendship was going to work out between us anyway." I said. "It was kind of awkward considering I've seen you naked."

"I thought I saw you checking out my crotch yesterday." he laughed.

"I was not!" I gasped. "And please keep the noise down. My dad might hear."

"Actually, Rayleigh, you're dad never came home last night." he propped himself up on his elbow and looked down at me. "Sorry."

"Should have known." I mumbled and looked up into his big blue peepers. How could I have let this happen? Again? It was a mistake, but I didn't regret it. Not at all. "Well, never mind."

"I'm sorry about this. Last night, you were upset and vulnerable and I shouldn't have agreed to it. You just seemed so... sad."

I grunted and turned to look at him. "Don't go blaming yourself, I practically threw myself at you! Man, I'm such a whore."

"Well then lets not play the blame game, agreed? We were both at fault." he smiled. "Anyway, what I'm interested in is what's going to happen now... with us I mean?"

I shrugged, getting up to pull on my robe. "What do you want?"

"You." he answered simply.

I rolled my eyes. "Now who's being greedy. Wasn't last night enough."

He grinned. "I mean I want you as my girlfriend."

"Oh. Well, um..." I smiled awkwardly and headed down stairs. Harry followed me and sat at the table in nothing but his boxers. "I thought we were cool with what we had already?"

"I suppose, but I want to be able to kick another guys ass for looking at you the wrong way. How many friends would do that?"

"Jess would. She could take out any guy in one punch." I chuckled as I poured him some orange juice.

"I bet she could." he sighed. "If you think it's a bad idea then..."

"It is a bad idea. A very, very bad idea." I said. His face was solemn and he nodded glumly. "But I was never a good girl anyway." I smirked.

"Are you saying-"

"Hello?" a voice called out through the house.

I froze and turned around to see my mom standing in the kitchen doorway with Ella at her feet. She was looking between Harry and I with wide eyes.

I swallowed hard and smiled slightly, for Ella's sake. "Mom this is my, um, friend Harry."

"Friend." she muttered and eyes him over. Ella hid her eyes from his lack of clothes. "He's a boy." my mom spat.

"Only on weekdays." Harry winked.

My mom huffed and turned to me. "Where's your dad?"

I shrugged. "He never came home last night."

"I bet he didn't." she scowled. "Take your sister, will you? I'm meeting Lisa for lunch."

"Sure." I snapped. "You go have fun while I continue to bring up your daughter, like I always do."

She muttered something under her breath before turning on her heels and storming out the door.

I fell back against the sink and slammed my fist down in anger. How could she do this? Again? Harry pulled me into a hug and held me tight, kissing every inch of my face, except my lips.

Ella stood looking up at us wearing a frown and her arms crossed across her chest. "Rayleigh doesn't like boys." she said. "She's a lesbanism."

I laughed. "I am not, Ella."

"Well how come to tell that to all the other douches?" she asked.

Harry laughed. "She is so like you, Rayleigh."

"Yes." I nodded. "I taught her well."

* * *

Ella and Harry sat in the front room watching cartoons on the TV. I was surprised at how good Harry was with kids. Ella became attached to his hip and wouldn't leave his side all afternoon. They played hide and seek and even had a tea-party with her dolls while I made lunch.

I cleaned up the rest of the dishes and began to feel dizzy. Maybe the TV was up to loud or something, but my head seemed to get smaller by the second and my eyes felt like they were going to bounce out of my skull. I stopped cleaning for a second and took a deep breath. My breathing came faster and got caught in my throat as I tried to steady it. I coughed and coughed and coughed until blood began to splatter all over the floor.

I fell to my knees and tried to clean it up, but there was more and more and more as I coughed.

"Harry..." I called numbly.

I lay on the cold floor and kept coughing until my lungs could hold no more. Then I began to throw up.

He appeared in the door and stood frozen on the spot as he took in the sight of me. "Oh my god." he rushed over to my side and picked up my limp body and tipped my head forward as I coughed up more blood all over the floor. "Shit. Rayleigh, can you hear me?"

I could, but I couldn't speak. "I-"

"Its ok. I'm here." he soothed me and rubbed my back. "Ella? Could you get me a glass of water?"

My sister stood there sobbing silently, trembling. She nodded and handed Harry the glass.

He gave it to me once the coughing stopped. I drank it down in one go and settled back into his arms. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry." I chanted over and over.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." He carried me through to the front room and lay me on the couch. "Are you ok?" he touched his hand to my face.

"Yes." I croaked.

"You scared the crap out of me." he admitted. "Maybe I should call the doctor."

"No." I said a little too quickly. "I have an appointment to go anyway. I'll go tomorrow."

"Promise?"

"Yes. I'll go tomorrow. I promise."

"Ok." he kissed the tip of my nose. "Let me drive you though, yeah?"

"No, Harry you don't have to do that." I told him.

He smiled. "Yes I do. I want to."

"Fine." I said. "But you wait outside and don't ask me anything when I come back out ok?"

"Deal." he smiled widely.

I slumped back into the couch, hating myself for not just telling him the truth, but I knew if I did he wouldn't want me anymore. What kind of person did that make me? Because I really didn't feel like myself anymore. I was becoming soft and it was this guys fault. I wanted to see the world the way I used to. I wanted to hate everything again, but the only thing that I hated at that point was myself.

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