After Scott and Abby leave I have to quickly compose myself before Alex comes to find me. I don't want her to start worrying about me anymore than she probably already has been. She doesn't show it, but I know that she's still bothered over what I did to myself a few months ago, and I don't want to give her any reason to believe that I would do it again. I send her a quick text, telling her that I'm going to wait for her outside of the store. It doesn't take her long to join me outside with her shopping bag in hand.
"You didn't buy any books?" She asks as she walks up to me. I turn around and she falls in step beside me as we begin the walk back to my house.
"I didn't see anything that looked interesting," I shrug and she narrows her eyes at me. I look away from her, but I can feel her staring at the side of my face as she studies me.
"Okay," she nods. "What'd you want to do for the rest of the day? Want to go see a movie or something?"
"I think that I'd rather just go home," I say and Alex frowns at me. I know that she'd really rather go out and do something fun with me as opposed to sitting in my room all day and watching TV. But after meeting Abby and Scott and having that conversation with them, I feel absolutely drained.
Alex doesn't protest when I turn to continue walking back to my house. I feel sort of bad, knowing that it's unfair of me to not go out and do something with her. For the past couple of months she's been doing everything that I want to do, which is usually just sitting inside of the house and doing nothing, and I haven't done much for her.
As we walk, Alex trails a few feet behind me instead of walking beside me like she usually does. I don't let it bother me though, I just need to get home and lay down. That's all I need to do right now, and I need to take my anti-depressants too, especially since I haven't taken my lunch-time dosage yet. I don't know why I take them at all, I don't feel like they help me. I've felt the same way ever since I woke up after my incident. I don't think I've gotten any better.
I don't think I'll ever get any better.
"Okay guys," Mr. Boyd, my AP Lit teacher says as he addresses the class. Everyone is always complaining about how hard this class is, but in actuality I love it because it's so hard. My other English classes were nothing compared to this class. Sure the workload can be a little bit much sometimes, but writing has never been a problem for me so it's not too hard to finish. "Mrs. Brown and I have decided to deviate from our original lesson plans for the year and try something completely different."
I tilt my head at that, wondering what we could possibly be doing. Mrs. Brown is the Film teacher, she teaches pretty much everything there is to know about Film in the short amount of time and is in charge of our school news channel. Her students are generally pretty talented, in fact many of them have won awards for short films that they've put together in previous years. I've never taken her class because I don't have any interest in pursuing some sort of Film career, but I've heard that she's a good teacher.
"We've decided to do something because there's been quite a bit of complaint to the school counselors about bullying," I frown, wondering if he's talking about me. I know that Rachel said that she would be talking to my counselor about my situation, but would that really be enough to have done something that would have to change an entire curriculum? No it can't be, if it were just me being bullied then the school would probably ignore it, which must mean that there are other people. Probably a lot for them to be doing something about it. "So her and I are going to join our classes together every Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday. You're going to be partnered up with someone in that class and the two of you are to make a video montage of each other's lives."
I look around the room, taking notice of how bored the other students look by this revelation. I'm not going to lie, I know exactly how they're feeling. The school has done tons of bullying programs in the past and none of them have worked. How exactly is making a video going to make a change to anything?
"You are impeccable writing students and they are impeccable film students," Mr. Boyd says as he walks up to his desk and picks up a piece of paper off of the surface. "But for this project you're going to be film students and they're going to be writing students. Which means that you're going to have to teach each other everything that you know in order to get a good grade. If their part of the project is bad, then it will have a negative effect on your grade."
I raise my eyebrow at that one. That's completely ridiculous. What if I end up with someone who genuinely sucks at writing? Do I get a bad grade for their terrible writing skills? Do they get a bad grade if I end up being terrible at putting this film together?
"We don't expect it to be perfect," Mr. Boyd says as he leans back onto his desk. " We want you to get to know each other on a personal level. Now, because you're all writing students, you're obviously going to have to learn from them how to put the video together by using the knowledge that they've learned. All of your videos will be shown in a special pep rally in front of the school, while the other students will have to read their essays aloud for everyone to hear."
"Mr. Boyd," I look over and see a blonde kid named Jimmy with his hand raised in the air. Mr. Boyd nods as a way of telling Jimmy that he can ask his question. "Is there some sort of prompt that goes along with this project? Like, do we get specific questions to ask them or...?"
"Ask them whatever questions you believe are necessary," Mr. Boyd says bluntly. "The point of this project is to make an impact on people who watch it, so don't ask mindless questions. We want you to really get to know each other. So when they ask you deep questions, don't hold back. Answer them and they'll do the same for you. Now, I've taken it upon myself to pair you up with students from that class already so that you don't end up with one of your friends. Form a line and find your name on this list and your partner's name will be right next to it."
Everyone stands up out of their seats, obviously eager to see who they have to work with for the next couple of months. The line is a little messy since we're in such a small room, but I manage to squeeze in anyhow. Everyone is chattering as they wait their turn to see the name of the person that they'll be working with, while I stand quietly and wait my turn.
When my time comes to look at the list, I slide my finger down the page as I try to find my name. I find my name near the middle and look over at the name across from it. I sigh, not even surprised by it when I see it. The world has been messing with me so much lately that I'm not even surprised when it brings me misfortune.
Hello, I know it's a little short, but maybe they'll get longer. I thought that when I got out of school I wouldn't feel stressed anymore, but balancing AP lit summer work and a job is more than I thought it would be. Bare with me here, I'll try and update as much as I can for you guys. Hope enjoyed the chapter!!
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Pills And The Bad BoyChickLit
For Hannah McCartney the past month of her life has consisted of visits to her therapist, scolding from her parents, and self-hatred. After her attempt at suicide everyone seems to have turned on her. Everyone at her school no longer sees her as th...