Two Player Game

~Chapter Fifty-Three~

"I can't, I don't know what's going on and I don't know why this is happening and everything is going wrong and it's my fault, I know it is, but I don't know how to fix it and I don't know how to start trying and I'm so wrecked, and - and - anD-" he just stays pouring out every insecurity and fear and pressure he's had for the past month and it all culminates in.

"And you aren't here with me anyway, so what's the goddamn point, Jared??"

"Things are fine! Things were fine!" He hiccups "I put money into a savings account every week for the apartment I want to share with you, I've been counting down the days until I can fly out to you, and I know that I jabbering made the MOST effort, but I thought it would be fine!" Jared didn't know that.

"I-I might not be the best, but I've been trying, Jared, I'm just... Busy. Too busy."

"You need a break, Ev. You're too stressed."

"I can't take a break, not now. That's what tonight was. A break. Gavin and Ryan took me to a party, now look what's happened."

"I'm fine with that. That's good that you took tonight as a break but I'm just worried about you. And don't just tell me not to. I will never not worry about you."

"I will always tell you not to worry. I never want you to worry. I never want you to think I'm as weak as I feel. And I am so weak, Jared and I hate it. And I hate that it makes people pity me and it makes me feel so small and helpless and -" he takes a breath "and being so far away makes me realize that I'm just like Conner."

"No Evan. You are nothing like Connor. He didn't even try to stay in touch. We are."

"obviously I'm not! Not anymore! Not if you have to try for an hour to get a hold of me and I answer drunk!" Holy shit he's right. Jared doesn't want him to be right.

"Then maybe we shouldn't... I don't-" he gets so angry.

"Go to hell Evan Hansen. I don't care what you do. I'm done with you." Then he hangs up. And Evan freezes and he shakes and he cries so hard he throws up. Several times. It's rough. Jared cries as well, It concerns Michael when he walks through the door.

"Hey, is Jeremy back y- Jared, what's wrong?"

"E-Evan..." he sniffs. Michael is immediately rushing to sit next to him gently.

"What happened, Jared, talk to me."

"H-he wouldn't answer me. I've been trying for an hour.. when he did, he was drunk.." he pauses. "I blew up on him and he did the same to me...."

"Oh Jeez, Jared..." he pulls him into a tight hug. "I'm sorry to hear you fought, it'll be oka-"

"No it's not. I.... I said I was done with him. I didn't mean it.... but he's just going to ignore me."

"Oh my God, Jared, I'm so sorry." he just keeps him close, rubbing his back. Jared just cries more, holding Michael tightly. Michael stays there with his arms around Jared until he finally calms down and Jeremy gets back.

"Hey Michael I- Oh my god Jared."

"He's good, he's all right, we're just calming down now. It's gonna be okay, right Jared?"

"Mhm..." he nods and sniffs.

"See? It'll be okay. And you got us, Jared, you don't need him if he's not gonna listen."

"I-I just want to apologize..."

"... You could call him back. It's been about an hour, I'm sure he's cooled off."

"You do it." He hands his phone to Michael.

"Just put it on Speaker Phone" Michael does just that. As soon as he picks up, Evan is off.

"If you're so DONE, Jared, why don't you leave me the fuck alone?? You wanna leave me like my dad, like Conner, like YOUR dad?? Fine by me, just let me be!! I don't need you to show me how codependent I am, how much I depend on you, how BROKEN I am without you! Just leave. Me. Alone. Kleinman." Jared takes a shaky breath and just looks at Michael. Michael looks back at him so worriedly.

"Now you're not even going to say anything?? Great, perfect, is like I'm not even on the phone, isn't it? You're gonna forget about me like everyone else!"

"No, Evan wait-"

"Don't even try. Don't even try to convince me otherwise, Jared." Michael watches Jared go from sad to so angry in half a second.

"Jared -"

"Goddamn it Evan let me speak!! I was calling to apologize but I guess that's not gonna work out anymore!"

"Of course it isn't, you dick!"

"Prick."

"Asshole!" Then Evan hangs up. Jeremy is so stunned. Michael is too. He's never even heard Evan swear, much less say such things to JARED.

"God Michael, what am I gonna do."

"I... I don't know, but... I think you guys just broke up."

"Goddamn it!!"

Michael has to dodge Jared throwing his phone, which hits Rich as he walks in.

"What the hell-?"

"Rich!" Jeremy jogs to his side to help him up.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good, what the fuck was that?" Jared I so mad and sad. He's got his knees to his chest.

"Dude, what's -?"

"Evan."

"Oh... J-dog, I'm so sorry, dude." Jared doesn't want this to happen. He doesn't want Evan to leave. Everyone probably sleeps in Jared's bed that night, trying to comfort him. Due to Ryan being out, Evan spends the night alternating between hysterical panicking and drunken vomiting in the bathroom by himself.

Jared isn't okay. He isn't for awhile. They get through finals and he sorta just disappears. Off the grid. Evan isn't okay either, but he hides it. He goes to parties all the time, brings people home, he's got a single tattoo. He gets an invite out to Princeton to participate in their Botany program and, seeing an opportunity to get better with their program being more of together, he accepts. Michael interns out in Minnesota for a month. Rich fucks up majorly.