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Apologizes & Arguing

My mind was still racing, I needed to find out the truth about Alan. 

I turned restlessly in my hospital bed and tugged at my gown to turn with me. I looked out the window, one lamp post lit up the smallest part of the field that stretched for what seemed like miles. 

This lamp post looked to be ancient, older than any of the ones that lined my streets back in my town. The glow was yellow and dim, fighting with the darkness consuming it.

The light represented me. Trying my best to get through these hard times, striving to become more happy, and the one that stood out most to me, was that the light was surrounded by darkness. 

I turned my attention to the bracelet on my wrist that Alan had given me not too long ago.

My dry fingers dragged along the old leather, it was not a figment of my imagination. 

"You're awake," a low voice hummed from the doorway. Even though my back was facing the door, I didn't have to turn to know it was Alan. I glanced up at the light post momentarily and then back down and my wrist. 

I didn't feel awake, I hadn't felt awake in months.

I remained silent and so did he, maybe I could fool him into thinking I was asleep and he would leave me alone for a night for me to think by myself.

But that is far too good to be true.

Alan began to walk closer and closer to the bed and took a seat near the bottom.

"I know what you're thinking..." Alan began, but I started as well.

"Am I?" I asked lightly, not sounding annoyed or mad, but purely curious. 

"I-I beg your pardon?"

"Am I awake?" I questioned, it was followed by a deep deep sigh from him. I felt a hand rest on my calf, trying to comfort me. I was far from comforted at this point.

"Please just let them help you, it'll be okay."

"I'm not awake?"

"I didn't say that."

"But you won't answer me," I stated harshly, finally sitting up and turning over to look him in the eye. I had never seen Alan so small before. He looked frail. It was as if something was eating him alive, his normal broad shoulders were slouched down. I didn't get the chance to meet his eyes because his hands were resting on his face, doubled over onto his knees. "It's a simple question, I-"

"It's not a simple answer, Aspen," Alan snapped. His head turned and I noticed his glistening eyes, he was crying.

I bit my lip and reached out, laying my hand on his shoulder.

"I didn't know, okay? I'm sorry. I didn't know it was this complicated,"  I mustered up the courage to apologize. 

He began to shake his head, and he sat right back up and rested his shoulders back and lifted his chin up like he always does, "It's not a problem, why don't you get some sleep? We can talk in the morning." Alan's words seemed rushed and not meaningful. Not the Alan I had grew to love.

He stood up and made it halfway out of the room before I felt the need to do something.

But it wasn't until he was in the hallway that I said something. 

"Wait!" 

He stopped and turned around, peering through the door to see me frantically wide eyed in bed.

"I-"

I wanted to say it so badly, I felt it, but I was terrified he didn't.

I bit at the dead skin on my lip again, blinked two times, and nodded.

"Yeah, you're right. Goodnight Alan."

"Goodnight, Aspen," He sighed and disappeared out of sight.

I sat upright in bed for no more than a couple seconds before turning over onto my side and staring out into the field once again.

Just before I was about to shut my eyes, the light post burnt out.