This is it. I fell asleep and now this is it. I awake to nurses and doctors surrounding me. Yelling to each other, using all their effort to insure my survival is garrenteed But I'm just looking at you. Tears are flowing freely down your face. Your mouth opened slightly. I know that face. You're internally screaming.
I love you. That's the only thing I am aware of. I love you.
I can remember, before all this madness, you were the one I was worried for. Struggling to fight your depression, I just wanted you to be well. Once you tried to end it all. But, unfortunately for you, I wouldn't let you go that easily. Now I wish you had succeeded, I could've let you die, should have let you die, now you will suffer with my death. All that hard work to cure you of the darkness and here I am, bringing it all back. I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Never an answer. I'm cold and sweaty from my nightmare. Getting up slowly to take the pills. Maybe all of them. Maybe none at all.
I walk down the hall, and into the kitchen. It used to be filled with such light, and laughter. The pill bottle is hard to open when your tired. Even harder drunk. I'm not drunk now, sadly. I'm out of liquor.
I finally get the pill bottle open and take three of them with water. Then five more. Then of the medication is inside me, dooming my life. I like the feeling.
Still, you're not here.
I should throw them up, get a new prescription next month, act like it never happened. But I don't want to. I want to lie here, on the hard kitchen floor.
I know what will happen after I die. The flies will harvest me as my skin shrinks. Every trace of life will be taken away from my eyes, leaving a blank stare. No one will find me, maybe for months; not until they smell my body rotting, or until my rent is over due. Ever since you left no one has visited me, not even after the funeral, not one casserole. I'm not bitter about that, though. I just miss my one supporter. Years before, you took the gun from me as you came to my home unexpectedly; ever since, you have been my only companion. My own cheerleader. I'd really need you tonight if I cared for my life.
Still, you're not here.
I'm so tired now, everything slipping away. And that's okay. Finally it's my time to die.
Blackness fills my vision and all I am thinking is, I love you. I love you. I love you. I love-
YOU ARE READING
"'I'll be here when you awake, don't worry,' you hesitate, 'I love you, Danny,' you say it with so much meaning, so much intent. 'I love you, too. Always,' and soon enough, you're gone."