Chapter 35

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It's kind of short again but enjoy!

I spend the morning curled up in my room watching movies on my laptop. I'm technically supposed to go to school tomorrow, but my dad called and talked to the principal. The school said they understood the circumstances and would allow me to take a few days off. Lilly was the only person who had tried to visit me so far. Nick was going to make her leave, but I said hi to her and we exchanged a few words before she had to go to work anyway.

I'm not necessarily wallowing in my misery, but I'm not a happy person either at the moment.

I decide to finally look at my phone. Most of the calls are from Jake, and a few from other people I know. I bite my lip and decide to listen to one of the voicemails left for me.

"Please, answer my calls. I need to talk to you," I can just imagine Jake ruffling his hair and pacing around his room while saying this. " I'm not even mad at you, but I know I should be. I should be very angry and freaking wanting to kill someone, but I'm more worried about you," the call ends. My hands shake as I press another one.

"I know you're hurting right now. I know that in no way I can help heal you fully, but I just want to help you in any way I can. Even if that means giving you some space....But please tell me what you want. I'm going crazy over here,"

The next one I listen to just crushes my soul.

"God dammit Maggie. I need you. Please talk to me. I know you're hurting and feeling alone and I know you need someone to be there for you. Let me be that someone. God," Jake lets out a humorless laugh. "I can't believe I keep calling you. Obviously if you wanted to talk you would call me back. I just- I didn't really realize how important you were to me until you were gone. I know we are over but I- gosh I can't believe I'm going to say this. Obviously we both are pretty screwed up huh? But Maggie Jones I am in love with you and I wish I could be saying this to you in person, but if this is the last chance I have then I'm going to say it. I love you," The click signals the end of the message, and I notice that was the last one he had left. My cheeks are wet from crying and I just want to curl up into a ball and die. He told me he loved me, but here I am sitting by myself and not calling him back. I debate if I should call him but I decide not to. I'd probably not even be able to talk to him before breaking down.

"I'm sorry," I whisper to the air, but I know in my heart it is meant for Jake

** ** ***** ***

A few hours later he finally makes his appearance at my house. Nick comes knocking on my door with a somber look.

"He's here," He says and I nod slowly. I knew that as soon as the door rang. "do you want to-?" I shake my head no and try not to get upset. "You sure?" Nick asks and I nod before he leaves the room. I can still make out part of their conversation.

"Please, I know she doesn't want me to but I need to see her,"

"Listen, you two have some major problems that you guys shouldn't have to deal with. Maybe you should let it go," I squeeze my eyes shut at Nick's words. He had held me close to him while I cried my eyes out and spilled what Jake had said to me in the voicemail.

"I know that this isn't something simple, but she knows I can be mature in situations,"

"I don't doubt that, but she really needs to be alone right now. She was doing okay but now everything is being thrown back in her face. Her chance to start over has been ruined and she's always going to think of people as either knowing her secret or not knowing it," Jake says something back and then I hear the door close with a click and my sigh of relief. Maybe I'm being a coward, but this is the only way I know how to handle with what is happening to me.

Do I love Jake?

I don't know. I don't know.

** ** ******** ****

The next few days drag by slowly. I don't really come from my room except if I need food or the bathroom. Nick constantly checks up on me and when my parents are actually home, they talk to me too. Thanksgiving Day comes and goes. I remember not that long ago how I was making plans to have a nice family dinner with Jake. But now that will probably never happen.

My mom brings up some food to my room which I eventually eat after some reluctance. My stomach just churns with nerves and fear. Fear of having to confront the school in only three days. The phone calls eventually stop and It feels like everyone finally gave up on me.

"Jay is worried about you," Nick suddenly says from my doorway. He is holding a phone in his hand and I frown. I didn't know Jared knew about what happened, but I'm guessing my brother told him. "Talk to him before he flies his self down here and drags you out of your room," The phone is thrown into my hands and for a moment I just stare at it, but then I slowly press it against my ear.

"Jay?" I say quietly as my brother shuts my door and leaves.

"Hey Mags, how you holding up?" Jay reminds me of home and right now I wish I was home. I don't care if It makes me sad seeing all the lost memories, but I just want familiarity. This place doesn't feel like home anymore.

"Bad, I miss you," I reply back.

"I miss you too, but listen you shouldn't keep hiding in your room okay? You should fix things up with Jake and your friends before you have to head back to school and deal with everything alone," I think about what he says and realize that the thought of not having people to back me up at school is completely and utterly terrifying.

"I don't think I can fix what I've done," I mutter and think about the kiss with Christian, one of the biggest mistakes of my life.

"Any crack can be repaired. even if it's not perfect it can be fixed," Jared says.

"When did you become so wise," I grin into the phone. Jay laughs on the other end and I can hear him shifting around a bit.

"I have to go Maggie, but remember what I said. Call me anytime, but preferably when you and your boyfriend have made up," I laugh and say goodbye as he hangs up. He's right. I need to get up and do something. Sitting around won't make anything better, but it could make things worse.

I get out of bed and throw on some leggings with a sweatshirt on top. I twist my coffee brown hair up into a messy ponytail and slip on some tennies. It's time to fix what I broke.

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