I blinked numbly, staring up at the orange clouded sky. What the hell? How could I survive that fall? I couldn’t have, it’s impossible. I researched it! It’s inhumanly possible to live after dropping off that cliff! Fuck! I clenched my fists angrily and grinded my teeth. I’m not even in pain. How utterly typical! It’s all I wanted, all I dreamed of and I’m still here. I’m still bloody here! Don’t I deserve this? Don’t I deserve to be lifeless and gone? Peace, it’s been my goal since I was twelve years old and after two attempts I’m still damned to this fucking pathetic, shit life of mine! “How is this fair?” I shouted furiously. “Just kill me already, just let me die!” I wasn’t sure who I was talking to, the universe I suppose.
I huffed irritably and stumbled to my feet, tripping over backwards and growling to myself. Then I gaped. I’d tripped over my own body. That’s...me. I’m lying there, bleeding and still. So...how am I...
You have got to be shitting me? I’m a ghost? I’m a fucking ghost! So what? Now I have to spend the rest of eternity wondering around without anyone seeing me? Well thanks, world. Thanks a fucking lot you cruel, sadistic bastard!
I kicked a rock in frustration and watched as it hit off my own limp hand. At least I can touch things and not go through them, haunting the pricks of this planet could be a source of time passing entertainment. It’s not what I wanted. I just wanted to be rid of my mind but no, apparently death is too much to ask for! Look at me, lying there; ugly and covered in scars. What was there to live for? Nothing! But I’m here! I’m still bloody here, surviving the un-survivable like some sick joke. I screamed in frustration and closed my eyes, calming at the silence.
I opened my eyes to the terrifying sight of a large brown wolf. What the hell? I didn’t think wolves could get down here; surely they stay in the forest? I backed away timidly and watched as it nuzzled my body and stared intently, almost like waiting for a reaction. I’m strangely relieved I’m not still conscious; being mauled is unnerving. It can’t see me though, I’m fine. I mean it’s not how I imagined my body to go but I might feed some wolf cubs somewhere; at least my parents won’t have to pay for a funeral now.
Instead of the wolf chewing me to scraps of meat, it bit into the material of my coat and raised my body off of the ground like I was weightless. It was probably strong though, I have to admit; I’ve never seen a wolf that big before. It padded away from me and then climbed the small ledges of the cliff before disappearing off over the top of the ledge I fell from. Great, this is great. My body is going to be a wolf’s dinner, I’m a ghost and I haven’t the bloody slightest idea of what to do now. I rocked back and forth on my feet and sighed sadly. They’re going to cry. They’re probably worried about where I am right now, phoning around; asking the neighbours if they’ve seen me. They’ll never see me again though, not my physical body unless the police find my chewed remains but I’d rather not think about that.
I sighed loudly and pushed my fringe out of my face. I suppose I better go somewhere, staying here is out of the question; I’m already bored with the beige rocks and desert-like spurts of random grass. I’m never going to get back up there though, unless ghosts can fly. I’ll have to walk around; hopefully the walking dead don’t get tired. This is a pretty shit outcome, I’m not sure my afterlife could get any worse. Still the same me; oh joy.
I turned to me right and started walking further down the rest of the cliffs, finally touching the dry sands of the beach. Just as I noticed a woman in a red coat walking her dog; I felt a force pull me backwards and I fell backwards for the second time today. This time however, I felt a cold marble floor tiles beneath my hands. Where the hell am I now? This is just getting worse by the minute.
“I heard when I was patrolling down by the beach, figured it was strange someone would be hiking so early in the morning.” A boy’s voice said anxiously. “I should have followed her.” He added, more to himself. I looked up to see I was now in a darkly lit study, the walls high with bookshelves. Various canvases of art stood out on the back wall but the most interesting by far was my body which was sprawled out across the mahogany desk now surrounded by people. How did my body get here? How did I get here? None of this makes sense!
“It’s not your fault, Jake.” A warm voice responded; I watched the back of her and this Jake as she placed a hand on his arm reassuringly.
“It’s so tragic, she’s so young.” A woman sighed, she caressed the side of my face and I frowned.
“She’s not dead, that’s the main thing.” A man murmured. Wait...what? I’m not dead? Come on! This is ridiculous! I couldn’t even die right! It’s not even possible, if I’m not dead then how the hell can I be standing here as a ghost? He’s delusional! Look at me, I’m just lying there with blood and cuts all over me. He can’t say I’m not dead, I look deader than dead.
“Yeah but she clearly wants to be.” A low female voice muttered from somewhere in the corner of the group.
“What makes you say that?” A western male asked curiously.
“She’s not from town which means she planned on coming to Forks, it’s early and there would be nobody around; it can’t be coincidence that she just so happened to fall near a cliff. If she was hiking, why wouldn’t she come with friends?” The voice replied, exactly. Unfortunately, plans have a strange way of never going to plan when it comes to me. I’m so irritated at myself, only someone as pathetic and vile as me could get myself into such a ridiculous situation.
“Poor child.” The woman sighed; I climbed up off the floor and crossed my arms defensively. I’m not a poor child, I don’t want her sympathy. I want to be gone, dead; not here. That is the only poor thing about this, that I’ve still walking around and thinking like I normally do.
“Are you going to change her?” Jacob asked bluntly, the question gained some rather hard stares but nobody said anything. Change me? Change me into what? I briefly smirked at the idea of strangers changing my clothes but then frowned, they’d be disgusted at what they saw; disgusted at what I’d done to my body. I was. I am. But it doesn’t matter anymore, it’s not my body; it’s there and I’m here. I’m detached; I can just walk away and never look at myself ever again. Fool myself into thinking I’m beautiful, beautiful and invisible. That sounds nice, it’s tragic and tragic is kind of beautiful in its self sometimes.
“No, not unless I have to; she’s stable and that’s good enough for the time being. We should just try and make her comfortable until she wakes up.” The man replied eventually, gazing down at me with sorrowful eyes. If I wake up, which I’m praying I don’t. Even this sorry existence is better than that.
YOU ARE READING
'No ideally perfect person would want to die like I do but maybe death takes me beyond flawed; maybe death makes me unlovable.' - When Evelyn Wilde finally takes her life into her own hands, she finds herself in a situation far less desirable than l...