March 20th 2016

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Dear Rick,

It's been 3 days that Amy and him are going out. I think I'm kinda getting over him now. I just think to myself that he's happier with her and without me. He might never know how I feel, heck. Nobody knows or even gives a damn about how I am. I don't even think you do, so I have no idea why I still right to you. Maybe because I like having the feeling that I think you really care about me deep inside.

I hope you'll answer this question with complete honesty. If you ever met me or if you saw the real me, would you run away or stay? I've asked people this multiple times when I was in junior high. I remember, I made a tally of if people would rather run from their fears or hide from it. It's sorta the same, except if you run, you have a greater chance of not letting your fears find you. Because when your hiding, your basically just waiting for them to find you and take control.

Anyways, I got an A+ on my book report for The Outsiders. Now we're reading The Fault in our Stars, it's really sweet so far. I just hope they make it into a movie like how they made The Outsiders into a movie. I love movies and books, then I compare them. Amy really hasn't been a big help that much ever since she got asked out by him. You know what, I don't even see the point of hiding his name anymore since he isn't even that important.

His name is Kyle, Kyle Peterson. Ever since Kyle and Amy started to date, I noticed something. Kyle's smile, isn't that white. It's more of a rusted yellow smile, his hair isn't perfect. It looks like he has bed head everyday. No, I'm not jealous or anything. I'll be honest with you, I was 3 days ago. But ever since, I feel like there was a mask on his face and I pealed it off of him.

The rest of the day wasn't that good. Chad pinned me against the wall of my locker bank and slipped his hand up my shirt. I slapped him and told him to leave me alone. There was a really big and red handprint in his cheek that day, but I was worried with fear the whole day. Because when I slapped him, he whispered 3 words that felt like million glass pieces stabbing into your hearts. No, it was not "I love you." It was worse.

"You'll be sorry." It felt like venom of a snake that could not be healed. It was so many things. After school, I did feel sorry and pathetic. Cause when I was walking home, he took me in an alley with his football friends and beat me. When I got home, I looked in the bathroom mirror and saw nothing but my face and bruised up body. I felt tears welding up in my eyes. I had a busted lip, bloody nose, black eye, and just bruises. Bruises everywhere.

I did the usual the rest of the day. Ate Ramen Noodles, watch Labyrinth, and took a shower. I've had that routine since my mom and dad left. I don't blame them one bit though.

Why? Because I'm a fucked up mess.


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