Day forty one

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-day forty one-

Today when I woke up I had a major headache and heartache. I walk into the kitchen and realize I forgot the cereal because after that fan I ran home. that fan. her words replay in my head and I burst out crying again. I go lay in your bed before I realize that I need to visit your grave. I pull myself out of bed not bothering to get dressed I hop in the car. your car. I drive and get a rose and then drive to your grave. I sit down next to you and pull my knees to my chest and sob. I miss you biggums. I sing you a song again. this time I sing hanging by a moment by lifehouse. I will put the lyrics at the end again. after I swing I drive home and sit on the couch. I'm not going to let my self hole up. I have to get better for you biggums. I take some anti depressants and watch tv. After about five minutes I can't take it anymore and I retreat to your room. five minutes is a start I guess. I lay down and go to sleep worn out from the five minutes of real world. I love you biggums and I don't know what I would do with out you, oh wait yeah I do. I'm sorry biggum I'm just stressed but don't worry I will cope.

Desperate for changing, starving for truth

I'm closer to where I started, I'm chasing after you

I'm falling even more in love with you

Letting go of all I've held on to

I'm standing here until you make me move

I'm hanging by a moment here with you

Forgetting all I'm lacking, completely incomplete

I'll take your invitation, you take all of me now

I'm falling even more in love with you

Letting go of all I've held on to

I'm standing here until you make me move

I'm hanging by a moment here with you

I'm living for the only thing I know

I'm running and not quite sure where to go

And I don't know what I'm diving into

Just hanging by a moment here with you

There's nothing else to lose, there's nothing else to find

There's nothing in the world that can change my mind

There is nothing else

There is nothing else

There is nothing else

Desperate for changing, starving for truth

I'm closer to where I started, I'm chasing after you

I'm falling even more in love with you

Letting go of all I've held on to

I'm standing here until you make me move

I'm hanging by a moment here with you

I'm living for the only thing I know

I'm running and not quite sure where to go

And I don't know what I'm diving into

Just hanging by a moment here with you

Just hanging by a moment

Just hanging by a moment

I'm hanging by a moment

Just hanging by a moment here with you

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