I stick my phone in my back pocket and slip on my boots. I wear a rain coat, and go over to his house. The rain has gotten heavier, the raindrops coming down faster. Conrad opens the door and lets me in.
"Is anybody else home?" I ask and hang my jacket.
"Nope, just me." he says.
His blue eyes are dull, and he looks drained. His face has lost all its color and it looks like he hasn't slept for days. Unlike his usual self, his hair is a mess and his clothes are wrinkled. He rubs his hands over his face and looks at me again. He looks so upset, and I wish I knew what was bothering him. He never likes to talk about his problems, and I know that he would want me to ignore it. Whatever "it" is.
"Good," I say, walking towards the living room.
"Want to watch a movie?" he asks, holding the remote.
"No, I want to ask you something." I rush the last few words.
He furrows his eyebrows, and puts his hands in his pockets. I take a seat on the couch and open my mouth hesitantly. I know that I'm supposed to not ask him, but I need to know. I sit with my legs tucked underneath me, and Conrad takes a seat right next to me. His arm is draped over my shoulder, and his other hand is placed on my thigh.
"Is there something wrong?" I ask him.
He doesn't say anything, and stares at me for a few seconds. He looks down at his hand, and rubs circles around my skin.
"I wouldn't say there's something wrong. But something isn't right."
"What's not right?"
"Nicole and I. I don't feel the same way about her like I used to. I realized that you can fall out of love as easily as you can fall into it." he mumbles.
Does this mean that he doesn't love her anymore? That can't be true. I see the way he looks at her; he can't possibly not love her anymore. They were the perfect couple. He doesn't know what he's saying. I may not know a lot about love, but I know it when I see it.
"Conrad, I know you love her."
"No, I don't. I love someone else," he looks away, avoiding eye contact.
"Who?" I ask him and he laughs.
He laughs, but there's no humor in it; it's empty. He smiles and shakes his head. He's mocking me, and it's making me angry.
"You don't get it do you?" he asks.
"What's that supposed to mean?" I stand up from the couch.
"You're really as clueless as I thought you were. I can't believe it."
"Can you tell me what's going on Conrad? I'm tired of this guessing game you're playing." I say angrily.
"You wouldn't know if someone loves you if they yelled it in your face!" he yells and it hits me.
I stand there, my guards down, completely vulnerable. My mouth is parted slightly, and I stare at him. He's never been angry with me, and this makes me really uncomfortable. What are you supposed to do when your best friend tells you he loves you? He looks furious, and disappointed. He knows I don't feel the same way, and that's probably what hurts him the most. That's why he's been acting so awkward lately. He was giving me all these hints and I never caught on. How long as he felt this way? My heart just dropped to my stomach, and the words are struggling to come out of my mouth.
"Conrad-" and he waves his hand.
"It's okay, I was stupid to think that you would love me back." and I press my mouth into a hard line.
"Conrad, this isn't fair! You know I am incapable-" but he cuts me off.
"Want to know why? Because you're conceited and self-centered. You've always been like that. You're never going to marry someone because you wouldn't love someone if it saved your life!" he says through gritted teeth.
"And what? You think you're perfect? You're far from it. I've known you long enough, and you definitely have your flaws. I ignored those flaws because I was your friend. I know you better than anyone else Conrad. Don't think I don't." I point my finger at him.
"You don't know shit about me!"
"Is that so? I've known you for three years; I know more about you than I should. You want to know what else I found out? You're not good at math. I was supposed to tutor you, but guess what? I don't care. You can go fail the class." I say and I can see that he's about to blow.
"You're a bitch, Alyssa!" he shouts.
I go still for a moment shocked at the words that just came from his mouth. I feel nothing but anger as I run at him. I can feel the rage inside of me as I smack him across the face. He puts his hand up to his face, and trembles in anger. Never has he said that to me, and nothing gives him the right to say it now.
"Get out." he demands and I glare at him.
He clenches his fists, and repeats himself, "Get out."
"Fine." I snap and walk to the doorway.
He opens the door and I turn around to face him again.
"Don't try to apologize to me, I'm not going to accept it." and I slam the door.