Chapter 7: on the path
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I woke up with this stupid grin on my face. I hate to admit last night's text is still mingling on my mind. Antlers? I laughed to my self . I don't know but I found it amusing. Whatever made him say that saved his game plan. I could easily get annoyed and hardly get impressed.. In case you haven't noticed. I pulled my phone out, anticipating a message, from him. To my despair, there wasn't any messages except notifications from other chats. I shook my head in disappointment and pushed the phone underneath my pillow and dropped my head on it.
"Hey, what's that about?" Aisha was watching me, I haven't noticed. "Nothing" I said, my hands in the air defensively. She laughed "I was watching your face switch between happy to sad to happy to sad to.."
"..oh, please. Can't I get to show my emotions anymore?" I interrupted. I am a very discreet person. I do not like people knowing my affairs. I hardly disclose any expression on my face so people wouldn't really know how I'm feeling or how I'm doing. Although we've been together with my friends for a while, I sometimes prefer not to let them know what's really hurting me or making my day. Besides, most people usually get into your head to satisfy their curios minds. I've heard the saying don't trust no one. But life itself was my teacher in that part. Speaking of trusting no one, my chest constricted. I still haven't found a way to really get over Adam. Have I?
"Of course you can..." Before I could react, she reached for my phone and snatched it quickly. After going after her relentlessly, I gave up. Your best friends could see what's on your phone right? Initially, I called for the girls night to talk about this. But I suddenly feel uncomfortable to share this new feeling with her. Feeling of waking up with a smile and anticipating a text, perhaps a short morning text from a guy. I myself haven't wrapped my head around this feeling. It's actually weird for me. When I was dating Adam, I never woke up anticipating his morning text. As sure as the sun rising, he was going to send one anyways. But this new Abdullah guy is bringing the element of surprise in our relationship, which I haven't yet decided. I have to to confide in someone, at least. I told myself. I don't know if I have said this. I'm a such a big deal. I don't know how to tell Aisha without pointing out my weakness. To me, having this funny feelings and hope in guy is quite eerie and my ego takes it as a weakness. It is a weakness because I hate to depend solely on someone to feel beautiful. I've heard, read and seen relationships that the guy has to compliment the girl every time she dresses up otherwise she throws a tantrum ending up in a fight. I don't want that, I want to feel beautiful and all those little things myself. Mum will say 'honey, you took 45 minutes to make yourself flawlessly beautiful, take proud in that! You're beautiful' .I want to feel confident on my own. I want my inner self to pat me on the back every time I succeed. I don't want to share my glory with anyone. That's a bit selfish but I want to work hard for it myself so I get to reap my success myself. Aisha once told me that marriage is not obligatory in Islam. Being the kind of person I am, I never actually gave the idea of me being to someone a thought.
"MashaAllah, you've got a keeper silly" Aisha passed me my phone after reading our short conversation. I tried to clarify on the conversation to make myself look bossy.
"He's silly, I never thought people like him existed. I mean, seriously? He wants marriage. He's playing with how great a commitment marriage is" I said. Shrugging off the idea and quickly down playing him.
"Astagfirullah. But that is how Islam advices us on marriage. It's only that way halal"
After eating a bar of Aisha's admonishment, presenting Hadith & verses on how marriage should take place, I got fed up. "Okay, thanks sheikh.. I'll consider your review, kindly" I stuck my tongue out for her.
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Someone I Used To BeSpiritual
His Love or My Ego? Fatima, 20 years, heart broken and betrayed by the Loves of her life... With scars of love from family and her boyfriend, Adam. Her mother, savvy and classy... desperately wanting to get her hands on fatima's 'treasure' left by...