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Forgive me for any mistakes, it's not edited and the chapter is kinda short but enjoy and let me know what you think.


“I’d be all yours if my mind didn’t wander
I’ve got scars from a life before you
Please don’t think I’m insecure
I just can’t trust no one else
Please don’t think I’m insecure
I just feel safe by myself” - Brent Faiyaz/Sonder

“Who hurt you this bad? Whose mistakes am I currently paying for?”

His question was met with deafening silence but she was sure that her silence spoke the volume of words that failed to leave her mouth. What could she possibly say when there was so much truth in his question? Subconsciously she was making him pay for the mistakes of all the other men that graced her heart before him because she bore the battle scars of love and it was in moments like these that they would rise to the surface. Her insecurities exposed the inner turmoil that she tried so hard to keep hidden in the depths of her soul but it was in this instance that she could no longer hide the bitter truth. She was broken.

Many bought the façade that she was this fierce and confident woman but the reality thereof evaded her. Every time someone broke her heart, it ate away at her confidence, her self-esteem. Why was she just not good enough? Was she too black, was she too big, was she ugly, did guys date her out of pity? Her first love stringed her along until a few weeks before his wedding, the second guy was ashamed to be seen with her in public, the guy thereafter was an A-Class jerk who tried to degrade her at every twist and turn and every failed relationship takes its toll on you. She was not the type to quickly fall in and out of love, it takes her forever to get over someone she once cared for. Hopping from one relationship to the next was also not something that she could live with, her heart was not built like that. So when she met Kendrick, she was finally ready to try this love thing one more time only to get her heart left in the dust once again. Why would DeAndre be any different? Same script, different cast.

The voices of doubt and fear grew louder in her head as a fresh wave of tears streamed down her face. DeAndre deserved better than a woman with so many insecurities, with so many issues. He deserved someone whole.

She felt his thumb wiping away her tears and it only wanted to make her cry harder.

“I love you Azania” she heard him say softly “and whoever hurt you, I am not them. Please…please don’t let me pay for their mistakes when all I want to do is love and cherish you.”

“Love hurts DeAndre” she finally whispered and placed her hand over her heart “love just keeps on hurting me and I am tired…I am just so tired of always being at this place where I always get hurt. You might have your reasons for not calling but it didn’t hurt any less thinking that somehow you had come to your senses and changed your mind about me, about us, just like all the others before you. It didn’t hurt any less when I thought that once again I was just not good enough.”

“Even though I now know your reasons” she continued “I still feel that we should be apart because I am a mess and you deserve someone who is not so broken…someone who is not so insecure.” She was a sucker for love but in reality, she sucked at love. So it was better to just end things and keep the last shred of her sanity.

This time around it was her statement that was met with silence as his hand eventually dropped from her face.

“You are not the only one with issues Azania” he said after what felt like forever “you are not the only one with scars. I wasn’t looking for love when I first met you” he humorlessly chuckled before continuing “I didn’t even think that I had it in me to love but you changed all of that” he said and placed his hand over hers as she covered her heart.

“I’ve seen through my parents that love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails Azania, even though love is not perfect, real love never fails and I want to experience that kind of love with you…” he concluded.

“If only it was so easy…” she replied.

“Love is never easy but at the end of the day I’m here to stay. I’m not leaving you no matter how hard you try to push me away” he said wiping the remnants of the tears from her face. “Whatever issues you have, we are going to work through together. Whatever issues I have, we are going to work through together. Okay?”

Her emotions were in turmoil, her heart has often led her down the wrong path when it came to love but DeAndre was persistent. If it was some other guy, they would have given up on her a long ago…but not DeAndre. He persevered through it all. That in essence was the kind of love that she longed for, someone who would see the real her and at the end of the day still want to be with her.

“Okay” she replied reluctantly. She could only hope and pray that this time she would get her happily ever after.


I suck. No really, I suck for keeping you waiting so long for updates…but thank you for still hanging in there, I really really really appreciate you guys and I really really really love this group Sonder, Brent Faiyaz is amazing so check them out if you don't already know them.

I’ve heard some writers complaining about people coming at them sideways and I finally experienced one lil girl who tried to start some ish but she could barely construct a proper sentence. #dead. I appreciate constructive criticism but there’s a certain way a person needs to go about it cos I’m sensitive when it comes to my ish. Besides that incident, I realized how lucky I am to have you guys! ❤🤗

I’m like so sad. I saw a blast from my past, someone I hoped that I would never ever see…with his girlfriend. My heart literally stopped…I was taken back to that moment when this person stomped on my heart and now due to some cruel coincidence, I repeatedly get to see these people. Why, why, why?  That is cruel and unusual punishment. Someone please pray for me. ☹

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