Mindset (how do I change it?)

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What is mindset? How you think about yourself and the world around you. Your perception, and to you, that's your reality.

Fixed vs Growth Mindset

I just learned recently the difference between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset.  A fixed mindset is one that looks for the final result, or goal at the end, like getting good grades, or winning the game.  What matters most is that end result.

A growth mindset focuses on continuous improvement - challenging yourself to do better than you did.  And that's it.  It doesn't matter what grades you get, if you win, what your result is.  As long as you challenged yourself and improved from what you did last time, you are growing.  And that is the goal of a growth mindset.

So, failure doesn't matter with a growth mindset, because as long as you keep growing and challenging yourself to do better then you did before, your failures will always turn into successes at some point.  If nothing else, you will be better than you were, and there's nothing more successful than changing yourself for the better! 

For example, I can get good grades by taking easy classes (fixed mindset - focused on the end result - the good grades).  Or, I can challenge myself to learn.  Learning and grades don't always go hand in hand.  A growth mindset would look at classes and decide which classes will teach me the things I want to or need to know, even if they are hard or even if I might not get a good grade.  As long as I learned and continued to grow and challenge myself to know more and do better than I did in the past (growth mindset) I am achieving. 

So that concept blows my mind!  I've always had a fixed mindset.  But I'm trying to change how I think to focus my life on a growth mindset, because as long as I keep growing and improving, everything else will take care of itself.

Feeling Worthless vs. Loving Yourself

However, how I feel about myself, that's another story and I also want to explore how I can change that.  In my mind, if people only knew the real me, they wouldn't like me. I know this because I don't even like me. I see all of the things I hate about me, I just hide it well. And if people knew what I really thought inside, they would freak. I'm scared. I'm afraid most of the time to be who I really am. I don't like it when people get too close to me, for fear they will hurt me or leave me. My biggest fear is being alone, or being abandoned.

So my mind is pretty messed up. Is everyone's mind this messed up? The person I see and the person everyone else sees is not always the same. I know how awful I can be, how mean I can be, how hateful I can be in what I think about things, including myself.

How does anyone really love themselves? Especially when we know all of the things that are wrong?  I know I'm supposed to accept myself, somehow, exactly how I am, flaws and all. But how do I do that? When I see ugly and mean, and unhappiness. When I just want to ignore everybody and wish everything was different, how do I just accept things as they are? Me as I am and my life as it is?

I heard that your mindset — what you think and how you talk to yourself inside your head — determines who you are and how you behave in this world. What you believe is what you become.

Hmmm. Well then if that's true, how do I change what I believe about myself, about life, about others? I mean, what I believe is based on what I've seen and experienced. If people are mean to me, I know the world is mean. If people leave me, I know I'm unlovable. If people like somebody other than me, I know I'm not very popular. What I believe is based on my experiences in this world. I can't just pretend and say "ok, now I believe I'm popular, or good enough, or smart enough, or happy." I can say anything, but how do I actually get to the point of believing it?

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