My voice inside my head is my constant critic. Maybe this is true for most people, I don't know. How come I'm not smart enough, good enough, funny enough, good looking enough — how come I am not enough? I know every time I pretend to be something I'm not, hide my real feelings, and everything about me that is weak and ugly. I don't want anyone to know, so I pretend sometimes. But deep down, I know.
Self Talk and My Story (What's Yours?)
So what's my story? All of the people who have hurt me or left me, all of the bad things I've gone thru or done in this world, all of my shortcomings - basically everything that has happened so far in my life to this point combined makes me who I am today. That is my history. But — my past story does not have to be my future story. I can change the story of my life, and make it better.
I can compose my life and create my future, even if I can't control things that will happen. I believe I can find a way to be content with who I am regardless of what life throws my way in the future by taking control of my life and changing my self-talk.
My future story has me taking control of my life instead of letting my past dictate who I am. I'm no longer going to just let things just happen to me in life.
I want more than to just accept what has happened to me. I want more from my life than what I see right now. I want to change the story of my life going forward and to do that successfully I have to change my self-talk.
Oh, and if you are curious, my story to this point is full of heart break, loss, death, self harm, getting in trouble, failure, self-loathing, and many other things that make me unhappy with who I am and where I am in life right now, even though there have been some happy moments and good things too along the way. I know I worry and focus too much on things, as you can probably tell, but my goal is to make my future something different than my past.
Quite simply, my goal is to change the way that I talk to myself inside my head. I want to do this so I can go from being such a terrible critic of who am to more of a champion of who I am.
What you think is what you believe is what you become. And what you feel is what you think about yourself. If I feel I am no good, I will act like I'm no good, and people will see me as weak and no good, and they will treat me that way. So how do I change what I think and feel about myself? Honestly, I don't know but that's what I'm going to explore and that's what I think this world needs more than anything else — people who figure out what's going on inside of them, and hopefully eventually accept themselves and love themselves and others. Isn't that what we all want deep down? Well, it's what I want and I think it's hard as hell to achieve, but I'm going to try and figure this out. I hope you join me in trying to figure this out in your life too.
By the way, having money, fame, celebrity status — "having it all" in no way takes away our inner fear, self-doubt, hurting, anxiety or our ability to find a way to love ourselves. So many celebrities have problems and/or are unhappy deep down inside. I want to be happy deep down inside, regardless of money, or things in my life, or fame.
What about you? What is is that you don't like about yourself? Is it your hair, your freckles, moles, your eyes, your mouth, your face, you breasts, your legs, your tummy, your weight, hair on your body, scars, your size — too tall, too short, too fat, your voice, your acne, your glasses, your feet, your butt? What is it you are critical of? What are things that you can't change? Me, I'm a ginger with pale skin, freckles, moles, out of shape, I have little fashion style, I have only a few friends (but those few that are close to me I love dearly), I'm not popular, I'm overly sensitive, I'm overly emotional, weak, afraid of being abandoned or losing those close to me in this world, and basically I live my life in fear and disgust for who I am. I am overtly sexual (as you will see from my other stories) and I constantly feel like something is wrong with me. Mostly I just feel I'm not enough — not good enough, smart enough, talented enough, strong enough, loving enough, etc etc. I am not enough. And it doesn't matter what I achieve I believe this feeling about myself, so I act accordingly. That is what I want to change. What do you want to change about your life that would make you happier? For me, it's my inner voice that keeps me down, so I want to find a way to stop talking bad about myself to myself inside my head. Is that even possible? I don't know, but that's my quest and goal.
Btw, all of that stuff you may hate about yourself, and same with me, is all bull sh*t. None of it matters and in my experience, someone will love you exactly how you are even if you don't. And if you don't believe me, look at the internet — how many crazy different groups are out there that love the things we may hate about ourselves. Hell, there's even an annual gathering of gingers from around the world to celebrate our uniqueness. So even the things we hate about ourselves are not obstacles to love and acceptance — somebody out there will love us with those things, despite those things, or maybe even precisely because of those things!
It doesn't matter what I say. It only matters what you feel. If I say you are beautiful, it won't matter to you until you feel beautiful yourself. If I say you look sexy, if you don't feel sexy you won't believe me. If I say you are important, you need to feel you are important for you to believe it.
So I hope you read what I wrote in this book and find something helpful, so you can find a way to believe in yourself and make your life better.
I read that happiness is just something inside you — sometimes you need someone to help you find it.
YOU ARE READING
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