It's Not You I Hate, But Me

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 I keep my distance from Party for the rest of the night. It's not as hard as you would think, seeing as he also keeps to himself. Obviously he doesn't want to make a scene in front of everyone, probably knowing that i need space right now. 

I can't believe i've gone and kissed him. How could i have messed up so badly? My one rule is that i never get close to anyone. And now look at me. I'm standing at the bar, sipping a water so i don't have to talk to anyone, whilst the other killjoys chat to Crash about god knows what. I tuned out a long time ago, to busy drowning in my own thoughts. 

There's also the fact that he kissed me back. He was enjoying it and i know it - he even yelled out after me when i ran away. But now he's standing next to Jet, smiling slightly at something he said and swirling his drink round and round in his glass, not even attempting to drink it. Instead he seems content making a little whirlpool in the bottom of the glass. 

I don't realise i'm staring until he looks up, eyes catching mine for a second. They don't give anything away - it's a completely blank expression that he's currently wearing. Maybe he would have gone on to show some sort of emotion, but i quickly look away to avoid it. 

I place my water down on the bar and tug gently at a few stands of my bright hair, twisting them around my index finger as i watch the others talk. Part of me really wants to go over there and join in with the people that are fast becoming friends to me, but i know better. I've already screwed up enough as it is tonight, i can at least try not to get close to the others aswell. 

"You alright Spark?" Kobra calls over, obviously seeing me staring at the floor. 

"Oh, er, yeah' i shrug in an awkward manner "just ready to go when you guys are i guess" i don't actually want to have to go back with them, but i don't exactly have much choice. Which means i'm going to have to sit in a car with the guy i just kissed and then ran away from whilst trying to act like nothing's wrong. Oh fun. 

"Awh don't get like that now!" Ghoul cried "the night's still young yet! Come on Spark, come dance with us! Party here will take you for a spin!" I can tell he's beyond tipsy, but i don't want to be a complete buzzkill and drag him away when he's having fun. 

I'm about to tell them not to worry, that i'll go wait in the car or the stock room whilst they finish up their night out, when Party places a hand on Ghoul's shoulder in a tight grasp, the leader side to him slowly coming out. 

"Ghoul, we're leaving" he all but barks, causing the rest of them to look at him in surprise. Obviously i'm not the only one who thinks this is unusual for him. I know he's their leader, but he never really tends to use it to throw his weight around. But now it's a different story - he watches them down the rest of their drinks and then turns briefly to me, flashing a small smile that tells me he's trying to show that he's okay about what happened earlier. 

I follow behind them all as they climb the stairs, seeing Crash send me a surprised look, his eyebrow raised, as i do so. Normally i love the battery, but i'm eager to just go to sleep now. 

I keep my eyes downcast as i pass the spot where we kissed earlier on, not wanting Party to be able to see my expression or try to make any assumptions from it. I don't even know myself how i feel about the whole thing. 

All the same, once everyone has clambered into the car and we're sitting with our knees knocking together, he reaches over and gives my hand a light squeeze. Nobody else see's in the dark moonlight,  but i feel it oh so clearly. It's like a shot of adrenalin injected directly into my palm, shooting up my arm and making my brain panic.