»part 13 » dead snow angels

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"...i'm fading away and I used to be on fire. i'm standing in the ashes of who i used to be..." - angels on fire - halsey

" - angels on fire - halsey

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Wanna know a secret?

Something that no one really knows except for myself?

Let me give you a little context first. I keep this secret close to my heart because it's one of the sweetest things about my childhood. My whole childhood was spent alone. Being the only child to my dad and mother, I had no one else to keep me company. No other siblings to hound me and pick on me. No friends to laugh with and play with. I had no one. You can imagine how hard it was to learn things with only myself. I had to learn how to have a sense of humor. I had to learn how to smile at nice things. I had to learn how to be nice to others.

I had to learn a shit ton of stuff because no one really liked to hang out with the little girl who had anger issues.

Even then I was fucking brat.

When I met Lip, it was a huge accomplishment for me. I met someone who was the same age as me, who hated his parents as much as I hated mine, I met someone who was just like me. It was fucking monumental. And then he introduced me to his brother, Ian.

His brother was the complete opposite of him. He was sweet and gentle. He was honest and kind. He was everything that I wasn't used to. He taught me how to accept compliments without being a jackass. He taught me how to ride a bike, because I was never taught. He taught me how to use a can of pepper spray. He taught me how to be a friend.

He taught me so many fucking things, it was like he was my brother.

When I was twelve, all the girls in our middle school hated my guts. They spread rumors about me. Things like: I was raised by wolves, I washed my hair with toilet water, I ate dog food. It was one thing after the other. One of the big things they liked to tease me about was how I didn't have any girl friends. They said that I only hung out with boys because I was gay. At the time, I didn't understand why that was so funny. I didn't understand what the big deal was about having guy friends or being gay. It confused the fuck out of me.

One time I ditched my English class to hide out in the girls bathroom. I was hiding in one of the back stalls playing with a lighter, when I saw my name written on the wall by the window. It was some shit about me looking like a boy because of the way I dressed. I don't remember exactly what it said because the second I finished reading it, I balled my hands into a fist and slammed it against the window. The window broke into pieces, causing my knuckles to bleed. I was so scared that I started crying and ran out of the bathroom. I was tired of being teased but I was more angry than anything. I told myself the next time I heard anyone say shit about me, I was going to introduce them to the Gallagher killing bat.

I ran so quickly out of the bathroom that I bumped straight into Ian. The bell had just rung and everyone was crowding the halls. Ian held me and wrapped his jacket around my bleeding fist. He kept asking what was wrong until I told him everything. I told him about all the bullying and teasing. He was so angry. The little red headed boy was pissed and you could see it in his face. Shit, I thought he was going to the kill those girls.

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