25 funny insults/comebacks

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WARNING: Using these insults may end up with someone punching you in the face. Use at your own risk. This may also contain mild adult humour.

Over 300,000 reads????? WHAT HAPPENED!?!?! Thank you so much for all the reads, votes and comments. I'm afraid I'll no longer be adding suggestions but I do read them all so keep commenting with them. I might get round to doing a second one of this so I may use some of your suggestions in that. Thanks again

1. "You fail" "So did your dads condom"
2. "If you want a good comeback you should go lick your mums face"
3. "So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey"
4. "How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?"
5. "If I were a dog and you were a flower I'd lift up my leg and give you a shower"
6. "Better at sex than anyone? Now all you need is a partner"
7. "'I'd like to see things from your point of view, too bad, I can't shove my head that far up my arse.."
8. "You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen"
9. "I'd slap you, but that would be animal abuse"
10. "I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and shit out a smarter statement than that"
11. "It's scary to think that people like you are allowed to vote"
12. "Learn from your parents mistakes, use birth control"
13. "The smartest thing that ever came out your mouth was a penis"
14. "Dont let your mind wander, it's far too small to be out by itself"
15. "I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse"
16. "Earth is full. Go home."
17. "Do you have to leave so soon? I was about to poison the tea"
18. "Why don't you go play in traffic?"
19. "So you've changed your mind? Does this one work any better?"
20. "Nice outfit. Go stand on a street corner, you could make some money"
21. "Your legs are like tescos. Open 24/7"
22. "You'd better hide, the garbage collecter is coming"
23. "Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is!"
24. "I'm busy now, can I ignore you another time?"
25. "I may be fat but you're ugly and at least I can loose weight."


26. "Stop trying to be a smartass, you're just an ass" - Suggested by NikkiHood

27. "I'd slap you but I don't want slut on my hands" - Suggested by ashleysonlyfriend

28. "Your birth certificate is an apology letter to your parents from the hospital" - Suggested by IndigoLynx

29. "If I wanted someone like you for a friend, I'd buy a dog" - Suggested by IndigoLynx

30. "Roses are red, violets are blue, God made me pretty, what the hell happened to you?" - Suggested by IndigoLynx

31. "Roses are red, violets are blue, I have five fingers, the middle one's for you" - Suggested by CharlotteEllaby

32. "My middle finger gets a boner every time I see you" - Suggested by Missy8urCookie

33. "If you have a problem with me, write it on a piece of paper, fold it and stick it up your ass" - Suggested by raiseyourpaw113

34. How old are you? Wait, I shouldn't ask, you can't count that high - Suggested by supershadicdx

35. Have you been shopping lately? They're selling lives there. You should go get one - Suggested by HeartOfAWildChild

36. Keep talking, someday you might say something intelligent - Lovebird101

37. "How much do you love me?"

"Count the stars"

"But it's morning"

"Exactly" - Suggested by awesomeizzy

38. Bitch, you're like Monday, nobody likes you - Suggested by tacos_r_my_life

39. Person insulting you: Fail!

you: We didn't ask for your life story thanks -Suggested by tacos_r_my_life

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