"Say it Ari. Spit it out and make it easier for both of us."
I fiddled with my brand new wedding ring, turning the band around and running my finger over the word engraved there. Tracing those lines gave me strength because it was a reminder as to why I was doing this. I was doing this for Zach, for a man who loved me so passionately that it knocked the breath out of me. I was doing it for his happiness, for our happiness and for our future.
"Noah, this isn't how I wanted to..." my words were stuck in my throat. I was blinking back tears as he stared at me with hostility and accusation in his eyes. The park was quiet with only the distinct sound of crickets adding to the painful silence. Night had fallen and only faint lights coming from the nearby traffic proved that people were still around. Noah and I were sat on a bench, a lamp glowing dimly just a few feet away. I tucked my legs underneath my thighs and willed myself to look him in the eye, to do him justice and end this the right way.
"You, Arianna, you! That's all you ever think about don't you? What would be most convenient for you? What's the easiest way for YOU! Did you even stop to think about anyone else? Damn you Ari, I didn't know five months had turned you into a monster."
His voice was cold, hard and full of hate and I deserved it all. When I hadn't shown up for our date he had went right to Grace's. Even though I'd texted him that I wasn't feeling fell, he still tried to see me. One by one my lies fell apart and as soon as I'd come back to the city I'd rushed to see him. The drunken voicemails had tore at my heart and I blamed myself for breaking the heart of a person who loved me so much.
"Nothing I can say should make you forgive me Noah. Hate me, hate me as much as you want. I don't deserve your love or your forgiveness." my voice shook as I reached out for him but his body language screamed shut off. He kept me at a distance, pulling away when my hand reached for his.
"You think it's that easy? Do you think I like feeling this way? You've made a joke out of me Arianna. I took you back no questions asked even when you told me that you've been living with another man for five months. I told you I'll wait for you until you've dealt with your shit and this is what you do to me? You lie, you cheat, you whore yourself out to that rich bastard!" he all but yelled.
Rage rushed through me when he brought up Zach's name. I wanted to hit him for accusing him but I had to keep my temper at bay. I wasn't planning on ruining things further.
"You're right, I did everything you just said but I did not whore myself out to Zach." The very mention of his name made Noah ball his hands into fists and the clench his jaw. I could see that he hated him and a want to protect Zach rushed through me.
I continued talking, hoping i'd make Noah see some reason, anything but the red that clouded his vision.
" He was with me when I had no one. I couldn't reach out to you, to my friends, my family, anyone! I was alone and I was scared. My world had been turned upside down and Zach helped me stand upright. He took care of me, he made me stronger and I don't know when it happened but I fell for him. I tried to push those feelings away but I couldn't. I'm broken Noah, I'm damaged. What I went through, it still makes me get up screaming at night. You don't deserve me, I'm not your Ari, I'm not the same person."
Tears had leaked involuntarily out of my eyes as I finally spoke the truth. It had taken a long time to convince myself to come to terms with reality but now that I'd been completely honest, truth burned my body like a searing flame.
Noah was silent then, his mask of hatred slipping slightly as his eyes softened.
"I could've fixed you." he whispered softly and I wasn't sure if I was meant to hear it. I quickly wiped away my tears because I knew that they would cloud his judgement and I just wanted it all out in the open tonight.