Selena couldn’t bring herself to move. So, rather than doing so, she continued staring blankly at the sky above her. She felt pity for the earth she resided on. It couldn’t change on its own accord, only stand by and watch as others made the changes for it.
In a way she empathized with the planet, because, in a sense, she was very much the same. Events she had believed she couldn’t control had tainted her life beyond comprehension.
Selena closed her eyes and took a deep breath, her fists wrapping themselves around cold blades of grass. Attempting to calm her emotions down, she began mentally counting down from thirty, as her therapist had suggested her to do so many times. Unfortunately by the time Selena had gotten down to zero the only thing the therapeutic method had succeeded at was annoying her.
Upon reaching zero, Selena calmly opened her eyes once more, allowing them to land upon the darkened night sky. Selena shivered as a cold breeze dusted across her bare arms. Perhaps it was time to retire for the night. Selena sighed at that thought but eventually brought herself to her feet, padding quietly through the cool, dark, grass towards the small house in the distance.
The grass tickled Selena’s feet as she walked barefoot across the yard. She could hear the leaves shaking in the breeze, and the humble sound of any small night creatures, soon enough though the branches of the trees became slightly more frantic, and the sound of footsteps against the ground became apparent. Selena knew she was no longer alone. Concerned slightly, her pace quickened as she practically started speed walking towards the house.
How long had she been out there again? She could never be quite sure, seeing as her perception of passing time had become obscured since the accident. It didn’t matter anyway at this point. Time acted against her, so what would the point be of keeping track of it?
By now she could hear the sound of heavy breathing shattering the silence, though that could possibly be her own. “Selena!” a voice yelled out to her in the night, strangely this time the voice did not belong to her father, but her grandmother. Knowing it was her grandmother, Selena calmed down a bit, though she continued walking, her footsteps soon returning to their usual pace. Within a few seconds a figure traveling relatively fast broke free from the bushes “Selena!” the frantic figure yelled out again. Apparently it was either blind, or the darkness might have been the cause of the creatures obscured sight.
‘Calm down Grandma, I’m right here.’ Selena spoke mentally not daring to utter a word. Her grandmother looked up seeing Selena for the first time. “Selena where have you been?” she immediately began her lecture. “And where is your coat? You’re lucky if you don’t catch a cold! I mean really! I know you’ve been through alot and..”
Selena really didn’t want to hear the rest of the things her grandmother knew, they were rather obvious and they usually brought back painful memories. In a sense though, her whole life was a painful memory.
“...I know you won’t talk...” Her grandmother continued, not seeming to notice that selena wasn’t even paying attention at this point, instead she was thinking about how appalled she was at her grandmother’s behaviour. Sure, Selena was appreciative the she had been the only relative willing to take her in after the accident, but that changed barely anything.
“..And I know your father’s dead..” The way Selena’s grandmother stated that so casually infuriated Selena, ‘he was your son as well.’ Selena lashed out with bitter thoughts, jerking her arm from her Grandmother’s grip, expressing her rage, she continued toward the house.
“And I know you miss him...” Selena’s Grandmother trailed off with a hefty sigh, she had no idea how to approach her granddaughter anymore. Selena wouldn’t speak to her. Selena wouldn’t speak at all. When she had gone to check on Selena, only to find an empty room, she had expected the worst. Worried beyond belief, she had rushed outside, desperate to find Selena.
Well she had found her, and that really should’ve been the only thing that had mattered at the time, but consumed with concern she had proceeded to lecture Selena, which had proved to be the wrong approach. She watched as Selena stomped up the stairs to the front porch, slamming the front door shut.Her eyes stayed set on the house, observing a small light flicker on in her son’s old bedroom.
With one last drawn out sigh, she wrapped her bathrobe around herself tightly against the biting breeze, before walking back to the house with strong intentions of brewing a pot of fresh coffee upon entering.
While walking through the central hallway of the house, Selena’s grandmother paused at the sealed door of her son’s old bedroom, in which her granddaughter now resided in. The only sound amongst the silence was the sound of en against paper. Assuming Selena was busy writing down all the things she wished to say but wouldn’t, her grandmother decided to leave her in peace and continued on into the kitchen.
Sitting down in an overly stuffed chair with a steaming cup of coffee, the grandmother focussed on anything else to take her mind off of the horrible memories rushing through her head. On the opposite hand, sitting crossed legged on her father’s bed with her journal sitting on her lap, and the bedside lamp shining through the darkness Selena was trying to desperately to recall any details of the faithful night.
Selena often spent nights staring up at the sky attempting to remember even the slightest detail. Tonight it looked like she was going to have to spend the rest of the night inside. She sighed as she continued to scribble series of words down in her notebook. No one dared to mention details of the accident around her, the only thing that she knew was that it was her fault, her father was dead, and it was her fault.