Lost

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Right now, I'm packing my things for our roadtrip. Kasama ko sila Mika, Michelle, the twins, Kianna, Tin, and yung ibang green archers, Jeron, Kib, Avo, Drei, Ricci and Thomas.

We planned to drive Luzon lang. Hindi na kaya sa allowance ang buong Pilipinas.

"Kambal! Saan yung crop top ko?" Sigaw ni Cams.

"Nasa cabinet ko!"

"Mga ate! Nakita niyo po ba yung black shirt ko?" Kita niyo, ang bait ni Michelle. Cute pa.

"Mich! Parang nakita ko yun sa labas! Pero hindi naman yun basa." Saad ni Kianna.

"Daks! Daks!" Sigaw ni Mika habang lumalapit saakin. "Yung shorts ko, nasa cabinet mo diba?!"

"Hala, ewan ko! Bakit naman yun napunta sa cabinet ko?"

Ang taranta naming lahat, except kay Tin. Yung maleta niya, nakaayos na at humihiga na lamang siya sa double deck namin ni Mika.

"Tin, tapos na ang pageempake mo?" Tanong ko.

"Ah, yes po ate Ara. Kagabi pa po." Ay.

After naming nagempake, which took an hour and a half, lumabas na kami sa dorm. And we found the green archers, tumatambay sa van ni Drei at yung iba sumasandal, sila Ricci at Thomas sumasandal sa kani-kanilang kotse.

"What took you guys so long?" Ricci took off his sunglasses at tinulungan si Michelle sakanyang maleta. Sila nga pala guys. Yung mga hopia na ships naging sila na ngayon. Micci, Jemik, Tindrei, Kibmille, Cievan.

But Thomara? Ewan.

Minsan kaibigan lang kami, paminsan rin parang kami. Complicated, ika nga.

"Uhm, Ars," Tawag ni Thomas saakin. "Tutulungan ko na ikaw diyan sa gamit mo, pwede?"

"Nako, huwag ka nang magtanong diyan, Thomas! Oo talaga sagot ni Daks diyan!" Tawang sagot ni Mika sa tanong ni Thomas. Pinapasok na nila ang kanilang gamit sa van at kotse.

Hindi na hinintay ni Thomas sagot ko at nilagay niya na gamit ko sa trunk.

Pagkatapos ng ilang minuto umalis na kami ng school. Since sem break, we planned on doing this before going to our families. Para squad goals daw sabi ni Kianna.

Kami lang dalawa ni Thomas sa Toyota Gtr niya, may music pero awkard parin. Feeling ko nga may gustong sabihin si Thomas pero ayaw niya lang sabihin.

"Ara." Nagsalita na siya. "Tanong lang, ano ba talaga tayo? Friends ba or—?"

Nagsalita ako kaagad. "Friends diba tayo? Best friends pa nga eh! Anong klaseng tanong iyan?" Tumawa nalang ako.

Yung mukha niya malungkot pero tinatago niya at tumawa na rin. Besfriend-zoned eh. "Hindi pala nagpapansinan ang best friends ng isang buwan? Aray naman." Sorry Thomas but I'm sparing my feelings. Mahal kita but I'm sorry.

And we continued to talk. Pero everytime he talks, there's a hint of sadness.

I noticed it all the way hanggang dumating kami ng Tagaytay. We stopped at this house-like venue. Dito daw kami matutulog since kaibigan ni Cienne yung may-ari nito. And when we got inside, ang ganda nung view. It's free of pollution, walang dumi, just nature and fog.

There were two houses. Yung isa sa girls and yung isa sa boys. Sa boys yung nasa unahan pa, while nandito kami sa open-spaced house.

I was the first one to go upstairs para ilagay na yung maleta ko, yung iba nandun pa sa baba, tumatambay or nagpicture-taking. Lumabas ako ng balcony, hindi ko kinaya yung view. Nakakaoverwhelm lang.

It's already night and it's already hours since we went here. Tumatambay kaming lahat dito sa open-spaced house at naginuman. Puro tawa lang namin ang marinig at walang lungkot na mukha ang makikita. Medyo lasing na din yung mga kasama ko at dahan-dahan akong umalis para pupunta dun sa pool, or infinity pool. Basta pool.

Since nakaswimming attire naman ako, dumiretso na ako sa pool at pumunta sa edge. All I can see are the silhouettes of valleys but I am still in awe. I heard someone going down the pool pero I chose to ignore it. Might be Mika.

Pero nagulat ako na hinug ako sa likod nung tao. Si Thomas pala.

"Hey." His voice sounds groggy. Hala, umiyak to?

I turned to look at him. Umiiyak siya.

"Thom, thomas." I tried to calm him down pero he hugged me and rested his head on my shoulders.

"Ara, I'm lost." He continued crying. "Without you."

"T-thom?" I stuttered.

"Ara, please stop lying." He managed to say. "Stop l-lying that I'm you-ur best friend, stop lyin-g that we are just friends."

He hugged me tighter. "I.. I can't do this anymore." He faced me and held my cheek. "Ara, I love you."

Now, I was the one crying. I'm now the one whose head is rested on his shoulder.

Three years of faking this. Three years of being just friends when we both know we're more than that.

I kept pushing him away. I let him wait for three fucking years, just because I wasn't ready to commit into a relationship.

"T-thomas." I managed to say. "I'm lost, too. Without.. you." And then I continued to cry.

He rubbed his hands on my back. "Ara, tahan na. I can't bear seeing you like this."

"I-i'm sorry." I said. "I love you."

I love you, but..

"But I can't." I left him dumbfounded at the pool, mind filled with anything.

I didn't go back to where they all are, meron parin sila dun, laughing and all.
While I'm upstairs, trying to walk to the balcony and look at where Thomas is.

He was sitting near the cliff, crying and holding a bottle of beer.

"I'm sorry." I whispered. "Mahal na mahal kita."

Pero bawal.

sort of angst? sml for you guys, keep on reading! 💞

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