Black Roses

Clash

The following day at the funeral, Kat dug deep down for stoicism and, to her surprise, found it as she addressed her late husband's friend, James Preston.

"Thank you for coming, Jim. It means a lot that you're here."

James caressed then released her forearm.

"I wouldn't have missed it, Kat. He was more than my friend." The big man sniffed, cleared his throat, and adjusted the disheveled collar beneath his chin. "You two are family to me." The characteristic deep West Texas-born drawl peppered his kind words. Fighting back her ever-present tears, Kat assessed him. On a normal day, he stood tall and strong. Today, he'd aged well beyond his fifty-five years. His back curved. His shoulders slumped and his pale cheeks shined with the tears he'd been wiping away as they spoke. Jim's parents died when he was young. He'd lived in a string of abusive homes, each one worse than the last. Rick and the Adlers had been the only true family he'd ever known. Now, his friend —his brother—was gone and he'd taken a part of Jim with him. Kat knew the feeling all too well.

"Katherine," he began, saying her full name and taking her hands in his. "If there's anything, I can do for you-"

As with everyone else, Kat was quick to shake her head. "I don't need help right now, but thank you. I appreciate the offer."

Jim sighed, stole a glance at the front of the sanctuary where photographs and memorabilia surrounded an urn of Rick's ashes. "Okay, well. The offer is still there when you decided to take it. Whatever it is you need, Kat, I'm here. Okay?"

"Okay. Thank you. I'm fine, but thank you."

He seemed to be satisfied with her answer and nodded. Shortly after their conversation, Jim lowered into a nearby seat as family and friends approached Kat. All of them gave her the same words.

I'm so sorry for your loss...If there's anything I can do for you...My heart goes out to you...He's in a better place now...

That last one pissed her off. How did they know? The best place Rick could have been was with her. Not dead. He wouldn't have wanted to be dead.

She knew they meant well though and gave them all the same three lines in response. I'm fine...I'll be fine...I'll get through this...

Maybe if she said those words enough times, the statement would become the truth. Maybe she wouldn't need the wine anymore to forget. Or to sleep. If she rehearsed her words, maybe she would, for once, stop seeing Rick every time she closed her eyes. It was worth a shot, but other changes were in order. For one, leaving the beautiful home that suffocated her with happy memories and bright pictures might be necessary. Moving on with Rick's face in every room would be impossible. Bearing the abyss might be easier if her past wonderful life wasn't blinding her 24/7.

An hour passed. She wanted to go home, curl up in the middle of hers and Rick's bed, and die. Life, as she knew it anyway, was over. It was final. Rick was never coming back. Kat gazed at the front of the room. There was no future with him. No forever. Only the past.

May 31st of the past year was her 42nd birthday. She'd turn 43 in three weeks and he wouldn't be there. Every anniversary, Rick gifted her an arrangement of the black roses from their engagement. She'd never get them again. Never hold him in her arms again. And no amount of sympathy and compassion would change that.

"You bitch." The harsh growl stopped Kat in her tracks. All heads in the room turned. She spun to meet the cold, black eyes of her brother-in-law, Wayne Adler. Immediately, James rushed to Kat and planted himself in the middle of the coming confrontation. "There a problem here, Wayne?"