»part 10 » voidance

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"Hold onto me, 'cause I'm a little unsteady...." - unsteady - x ambassadors

The addict controls my dreams

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The addict controls my dreams.

When I'm least expecting it, she digs her way into my utopia and promises me a world of no worries and no regrets. She tells me that she can give me everything I want in life as long as I give in. She tells me that everything will be easier if I just live by her words. In my dreams, she tells me I'm not strong enough. She whispers all my weaknesses like their bullets shooting straight through my pride.

She makes me want to give in. She gets under my skin and drills into my brain, forcing me to think of all the blow I can get for free.

She likes to tease.

My eyes shoot open the second I feel a shift in the lumpy bed causing me to escape the grip of my addict. I close them quickly when I realize how bright it is in the tiny room that used to be Fiona's.

After Lip and I's tipsy confessions, we laughed for hours about nonsense and talked deeply about Ian and Fiona. Once we were all out of beer and on our last cigarette, we decided to call it a night. I insisted on sleeping on the couch next to Renee but apparently random children littered the floor and the couch. I don't know how I missed it but he was right. I guess Carl got a new girlfriend and that girlfriend brought all of her siblings to seek refuge at the Gallagher's. We bickered for a while on who would sleep on Lip's floor before he body slammed me into the bed and wrapped me in blankets, refusing to let me leave.

No sex. No scandalous touching. Just soft touches and cuddles. It's different sleeping with him in a way that doesn't include...sex. It's almost more meaningful than anything else. It warms all the darkest places of my mind and I revel in it.

I lift my head to see Lip sitting at the edge of his bed in a pair of boxers with a cigarette hanging from his lips. He looks back at me with a crooked smirk on his face before cupping his hand around his cigarette and lighting a flame.

I shiver and snuggle deeper into the blankets, "Why is it so fucking cold in here?"

Lip inhales deeply before exhaling grey, "Fiona turns the heat off at night to save on the electricity bill but no one's paid it so I guess they're gonna shut it off this Friday. And since Fiona's in the pokey for a while, I have to come up with money to pay it."

"What about the squirrel fund?" I ask remembering the money they store away for each winter.

He shakes his head, "Won't be enough."

"What are you gonna do?"

He shrugs carelessly, "I can probably spot a few from Amanda's parents."

Whether or not he uses Amanda shamelessly, it still stirs a funny feeling inside me. Even if he assures me that they aren't dating, the idea of him being close with another person and leaning on someone else, scares the crap out of me. Lip may have gotten an education but he's still the same resourceful son of a bitch he was when he was sixteen.

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