Angellyn - Indonesia

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I'm an asexual pan demiromantic girl (leaning more to the pan section because I'm attracted to any gender, more of personality > gender or such)

Growing up in Indonesia, as a country where homophobic was taught to flow in your blood, I don't really have any idea what LGBTQ+ is. I had this phase where I am a homophobic because that was the culture I was raised in, and a culture I always believed for, because we were a nation abided by the law that God and religion is everything, I grew up thinking homophobic is the right thing. Tho when I was introduced to the internet, that view of mine slowly changed, and here I am.

My initial trigger to the whole asexual thing was the fact that I thought biology is the most disgusting lesson there ever is, period, and I would get really uncomfortable with sex and dirty jokes, especially if it involves human genitals or kinky sex kinda thing. When we were discussing sexual intercourse at class, it was the lowest point of my grade, and I was so uninterested because I just disliked the whole sexual intercourse discussion.

The pan demiromantic part comes from the fact that most of my crushes are in fact, fictional crushes and people I have a connection with, or at least USED TO have a connection with me. I realized when I read books, I tend to like any gender characters with good quality heart and intention, or a point that fleshed them out compared to others. I never knew who am I gonna most likely be attracted to in the future, as most of my in real life school crushes come from people I befriended and talk to, although that used to be the case because I realized now, I don't have any feelings for anyone I know in real life.

No one really understood asexual here. It's either you're gay, or straight. Not too sure about in betweens for Indonesia, but certainly, asexual person isn't what you see every day. I have nothing to lose for because I'm in closet and I don't intend to come out to anyone because they wouldn't get me anyway.

Even though my sexuality will most likely change again, I am certain that this is who I am for now. And maybe, until the end of my time. It's not weird for you to not be the majority of the crowd and be uncomfortable with sex jokes at any time, and anything that has to do with something sexual.

Whatever makes you yourself, accept it. If you can't, then people won't. If people won't, then honey that's not your problem. You should prove them otherwise, and stay strong. If they force you to change, then say this prayer.

May the Force change them, in the name of Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker.

Because honestly, if no support is shown, then go dive to Atlantis or desert yourself to the jungle, because we don't need homophobia and people won't treat everyone as they are entitled to in the Freedom of Speech.

We all are people, we are all God's creatures created to be equal. You are not a sin, nor a birthed mistake, and nobody should act safe haven fake. It's all written in your DNA and genes, strong and victorious, no matter whatever people told you at day. Reply them, that I am a winner because there is a hundred million chance of you being the you now. Congrats for the steel heart you caged from the world, and the stone coming in the way of your life. Because that means, you have to make the world bow down to you in claps and admire, while continue to roast them haters with fire.

Civilization is who we are. A family of brethren and women, join hands together as one, as John Lennon said, "You might say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one."

So keep on dreaming, keep on influencing. You're worth thousand lots. <3

-Angellyn

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