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"I don't ever mind sharing oxygen. I just want to get lost in your lungs..." - Single - The Neighbourhood

The truth will eat you alive if you let it

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The truth will eat you alive if you let it.

It's kind of like the addict in that way. The longer you keep it inside, the more it will demand to be heard. The truth, much like the addict, wants nothing more than to be shown to the world. No matter what the consequences are.  It builds a barrier between you and the world. Shielding you from everyone, making you feel alone.

The addict and the truth are what keep me awake at night.

Ian's eyes are set on Mickey.

His eyes are pinned to him like a fly on a wall. Every move he makes, every breathe he takes. He's watching him. And Mickey? His eyes are glued to his homophobic father. You can see the fear in his eye as he holds Yevgeny like a trophy. The boy wants nothing but approval and Ian wants nothing more than love.

Ian squares his jaw before speaking, "What were you saying?"

My eyes look at Ian, and he's still staring at Mickey. I sigh softly, "Nothing."

"No, tell me." His eyes flicker to mine quickly so he doesn't lose Mickey's connection.

Even though he's talking to me, I can tell his attention is elsewhere. Mickey holds his heart and his attention. When they're in a room together, there's no way in hell you're going to get their full attention. Their connection is different. They thrive off secrecy and stolen kisses. Ian's mouth tells me to confess the truth, but his eyes are begging for me to move on so he doesn't miss a second of the Mickey show.

I shrug and lie through my teeth, "College was great."

He nods as he continues staring, "That's great, Cash."

I nod in return, shoving the guilt and pain to the bottom. I refuse to make everything about me. I left Ian when he needed me the most and I'm not making that mistake again.

I look over at Mickey who's laughing with his scum bag of a father while Svetlana holds their baby and all I can think about is Ian's hurting heart. Ian has never loved anyone the way he's loved Mickey. Sure, there was Kash and that old fuck who fathered Jimmy or Steve. But no one has ever had this effect on Ian other than Mickey Milkovich.

Their relationship is one in a million.

Even if they won't admit it.

"Cash," Kev leans over the bar, "You mind getting your batshit crazy cousin out of here before she claims a sugar daddy?"

My glossy eyes wonder over to Renee who's laying on top of the pool table and pointing at old men with a pool stick. Her hair is sprawled out underneath her and her skirt is well above her knees, telling me that it's time to take her home.

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