Heroes (On Hold)

Chapter 7: Nightmares

Trigger warning: mention of suicide.

I followed the Puppeteer out of the gym, out of the main building, down the steps of the school. I wanted to stop moving- I wanted to slam a wall of flames into his back. Anger boiled through my veins like simmering embers, but I couldn't do anything. Not when he would hurt Ben. I had to leave with the Puppeteer.

My feet hit the bottom of the steps, and I knew exactly what would happen next. My mind already knew- knew exactly what would be waiting behind me when I heard a voice call out.

"Ella!"

Ben was waiting at the top of the stairs, suddenly going stiff limbed as the Puppeteer held him in place. I cursed myself as my heart shattered, piece by piece, cursed my limbs as they did everything I strained for them not to do. I hated myself as I begged Mr. Estel to let me say goodbye, as Ben pleaded with me not to go, as I refused him to do what I thought would save his life.

Tears slid down my cheeks, and the fiery anger crackling through my veins turned to frozen, melancholy ice. I knew what came next.

"I love you."

I cried out as the knife I hadn't seen- but known, known it was there- sank into him. I begged myself to think through my shock and pain, to heal him, but my traitorous body could not think through the blinding emotions. I watched as the light faded from his eyes, and Mr. Estel was calling my name to make me leave him-

"ELLA!"

I jolted awake. Anita stared down at me, gripping my shoulders- trying to shake me awake. Tears streamed down my face and the room, I realized, was crusted with ice.

"What- what happened?" I croaked, tasting smoke in my mouth. I sat up, and fine gray powder dusted from my arms and hair- not powder, but ashes. I looked down at my bed. My sheets had been burned: singed at best, reduced to the ashes coating my body like sand at worst. I looked back to Anita, and noticed the look in her eyes. It was the kind of look someone had when approaching a wild animal. A dangerous one.

"You were dreaming. I don't know what it was about, but..." she gestured to the room around her, coated in ice and ashes, "it seems to me your version of sleepwalking is a bit more extreme than the usual." She smiled a little, and in my sleep foggy state, my mind registered the joke.

"Did I hurt you?" I asked her, noticing that the ice spiderwebbed across the whole room, with me at its center.

"No, just scared the living hell out of me. Ella, what was that?"

I lifted my hand, and it glowed with a pale blue light as the ice receded towards me, then disappeared. "A nightmare," I replied quietly, trying to decide what to do with the toasted bedsheets.

"Does this happen often?" She pressed with a raised eyebrow.

"The powers, or the nightmare?" I asked. She gave me a flat look. Both, then. "The powers only show up on the worst nights, but it's happened before. I think being back here set it off tonight. As for the nightmares..." Ben's face flashed through my mind, the light fading from his eyes. "Every night," I breathed.

Anita pursed her lips, then sat down on her bed, facing me. "Want to talk about it?"

I sighed and later back on my bed. "Not really. It's just a reminder of what happens when I let my emotions get the best of me- when I fail."

"You don't have to do this alone, you know." I chewed my lip. "These nightmares, this pain over losing him... we're in this together."

She was wrong though. I did have to deal with this alone- no one else would get caught in the crossfire. My silence must have been reply enough, because she pushed on. "You think we don't all have our demons? We all have our battles Ella. Keeping your friends and family out of yours doesn't protect us from danger- just that one danger. Sure, you can leave me out of whatever problems you have, but I might just get sucked into someone else's. If you let me help you, then maybe we can face whatever comes our way together and stand a better chance of coming out alive."

I closed my eyes against the tears threatening to spill out, waiting until they were gone to speak. "I just..." I took a second, trying to put words to my thoughts. "Losing Ben... it broke me. And my parents- I hadn't seen them in over a year, didn't even remember them, and they still died for me. They died for me! And I didn't save them. I could have healed them, I could have turned the metal in those knives into tiny little shards and buried them in Estel's back. But no, I was too stupid, too slow, to think of any of that. The weight of that, knowing that all three of them died because of me... It got too heavy."

"But you're here," she reminded me. "You survived it. They fought so you could walk away, and you didn't let that guilt kill you."

"But it almost did." Tears again welled up in my eyes.

"What do you mean?" Anita asked, cautiously.

I took a shaky breath, fighting against those traitorous tears in my eyes. "You said, when I came back... that you were worried I had.. tried to take my own life." The tears spilled over, and I kept my eyes fixed on the ceiling, not wanting to see the look on her face as she realized...

"Oh, Ella, no," she breathed.

"I tried," I admitted, my voice cracking as the words spilled out. "I tried so many times, and so many ways... only to find out that I couldn't."

"You stopped?" Anita asked, and I could hear the tears in her voice too.

"No," I laughed bitterly, "I physically could not harm myself. The problem with being linked to the elements is that they refuse to hurt you. Fire won't burn me, water won't drown me- the very air will catch me if I tried to jump off something. I can't even get sick! Imagine, someone trying to die, just to discover that they're damn near invincible." I spat the words, tears flowing freely.

"I don't think I've ever been more grateful for your powers that I am right now."

Anita grabbed my arm and dragged my upright, then pulled me into a crushing hug. "You are not allowed to die, do you hear me?" She demanded fiercely through her sobs. "I don't care what happens, or who it happens to, but you are not allowed to die."

I hugged her back tightly, nodding as I cried. "Same goes for you," I choked out. "You're not allowed to either."

"Deal." We pulled apart, and I brushed the tears from my eyes.

"You go shower- you've got ashes all over you. I'll call the janitors to fix the sheets." I nodded.

I was turning towards the bathroom when she said, "Um, Ella?"

I turned back to my red eyed best friend. "Yeah?"

She opened her mouth, then closed it again, deciding against whatever it was she was going to say. "Nothing, it's not important. I'm just really glad you're back."

I smiled at her. "Me too."

But as I turned away to the bathroom, I could have sworn something like guilt flickered in her eyes.

🌜🌕🌖🌗🌘🌑🌒🌓🌔🌕🌛

OKAY I know it's late and I know it's short, but I have excuses. Two, actually.

ONE: I have been ridiculously busy! School is winding down, which means finals and AP tests, so things have been crazy.

TWO: A second update is on the way soon! I'm trying to do another, hopefully longer one in the near future, so be patient with me.

That said, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, despite the shorter length and the heavy topic. If you did, please vote, comment, and share the story. Your support means the world to me!

If you all have any questions about the story, please feel free to message me or ask in the comments. I'll reply as soon as I can.

Also, please message me if you have any fan arts or covers for Elements/Heroes. I love seeing what you guys make!

That's it for now guys. Hopefully more to come soon.

Love you guys!
Emily