Chapter 22:Sorry

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     I didn't cry. I sat there. I think I was in shock. How couldn't I have known. How could I have not know I was pregnant. My baby. I didn't even get a chance to enjoy it. I didn't even get s chance to take a pregnancy test. How could I have not know. I was hurt, I was mad, I was mad at myself. It was my fault. My fault that I had a miscarriage, my fault Quanell cheated on me, my fault...everything was my fault. I couldn't hold it in anymore, I cried. I cried the hardest I've ever cried. It felt like someone ripped my heart out. My baby was dead. I couldn't take this pain.
1 week later....
     I was released from the hospital 2 days ago. My mom and sisters went back to Virginia, they offered to stay but I just want to be alone. All I do is cry. I think how I could of prevented it. Stressed took a tole on my body and that's what caused the miscarriage, well that's what the doctors told me. I wanted Quanell, I wanted him to hold me, and tell me everything was going to be fine. I haven't even told him yet, I honestly don't think I could tell him. It would break his heart.

I haven't talked to or saw Kelsey since that day. It's been 2long weeks. 2 long lonely weeks. All I do is think of her. I wonder how's she's doing. I wonder what she's doing. I wonder if she thinks of me. There isn't a second that goes by when I don't think of her. I'm deeply sorry, I wish I can tell her that. She probably wants nothing to do with me. These last 2 weeks made me revaluate my life. Is this the life I want. Honesty no! I'm tired of the drugs. That's why I have it up. I handed it down to Wayne, I'm not built for that shit anymore. I have plenty of money saved up. I wanna turn my dirty money into clean money. I went to go see some spaces, I'm longing at opening my own club. I wish Kelsey was here, she would love this. She always wanted the best for me. I visited my moms grave yesterday, I apologized to her. I told her how fucked up I did Kelsey, I lost the only girl who truly loved me, who I truly loved. It breaks me heart.

     My best friend Alyssa doesn't know I had a miscarriage, she just thinks I had the flu. I texted her today and told her to come over. 10 minutes later I heard knocking at my door, it was Alyssa.
"Hey, how are you feeling?" She asked while touching my forehead. I playfully pushed her hand away.
"I'm feel better today" I told her. We sat down and talked for a lil. I finally came out and told her.
"I had a miscarriage!" I told her. She just looked at me in shock.
"Whaaattt" she said slowly. I nodded my head. Than the tears came. I told her everything. We talk for about a hour about the whole situation.
"So when are you going to tell Qúe?" She asked me.
"I don't know. I really don't even wanna tell him. We having talked in almost 3 weeks. I've been so stressed, every since we broke up. I'm always crying, I'm so sick of it" I said. I was now crying harder. She sat next to me and rubbed my back.
"Kels I could just imagine the pain. You'll get through it. You just need time. Don't go and blame yourself, shit like this just was gods choice. You need to tell Qúe, you need him during this hard time" she said. She was right. I cried more. After a hour Alyssa left. I went to my room and laid on my bed. I was so tired of crying, my eyes hurt. I closed my eyes and I was knocked.
     I woke up out of my sleep, it was 3:54am. I thought I heard something but I guess not. I heard my door slowly open. I turned and look. It was Quanell. What was he doing here? I didn't call him. Alyssa!! I turned back around, my back was facing him. I felt him sit on the edge of the bed. He just sat there in silence, I just laid there. I wanted him to hold me, I wanted him to tell me everything is going to be fine. I felt him get off the bed and the room door open,  than close. He was gone. I just laid there. I didn't know what to think. I drifted back to sleep. I woke up at 6:29am. I got up and went to us the bathroom. I headed towards my kitchen. He was still here. He was sleep sitting up on the couch. I stopped in my tracks and hurried back to my room. I don't know why but I just couldn't face him. I laid down. I heard foot steps and my door opened. I knew it was him.
"Kels" he said in almost a whisper. I didn't move. I didn't respond. I didn't know what to say.
"I'm sorry" he said. I didn't know what to say. Tears came down my face and I said the first thing that came to my mind.
"I-I had a miscarriage" I said. More tears feel. I was now crying loud.
"Whaatt...Kels I'm so sorry, I'm sorry you had to deal with that alone" he said. He sat on the edge of the bed and I heard low cries. I sat up and rapped my arms around him. He cried harder. He turned around and held me. This is what I've been waiting for. For him to hold me like this.
"I'm so sorry" he cried. We both cried together. I told him everything. I just wanted him. His touch made me relax, it made me feel safe. We cried until we couldn't cry no more. I remember him laying me down, he held me, he kissed me and told me everything was going to be ok, than I was sleep.

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