The first time she had to actively fight against her feelings for Normani, it was merely a week before graduation. Normani and Arin had broken up only days before, and she’d taken to sleeping next to Dinah, claiming she wasn’t willing to spend the night alone. (She was lonely, she said. She was sad, she said. Would it be okay, she asked. Dinah was helpless to say anything but “of course”.)
She woke up with Normani pressed against her.
It wasn’t innocent. Their legs were tangled, Normani’s back pressed firmly to Dinah’s front, Dinah’s hand resting on the curve of Normani’s hip, fingers splayed out, face pressing into Normani’s neck, lips against her ear. It wasn’t innocent, because Dinah woke up with her heart beating too fast, with heat pooling in her belly, between her legs, and all she wanted was to move slightly. To kiss Normani down the slope of her neck, to hover over her, look into her deep, dark eyes as she eliminated any and all distance between them—eliminated the inches of free space, eliminated the clothes, eliminated, eliminated, eliminated.
It wasn’t innocent.
And she knew, she knew, that Normani was lonely. That she was sad. That she just didn’t want to be alone at night. And it was easy, it was effortless, to quell the desire welling up, to stamp out her needs, her wants, and focus only on Normani. It was easy to move away, create distance rather than eliminate it.
It was always easy. Until it wasn’t.
//
The kiss was supposed to be innocent. A ‘practice run’ Normani had called it, in case they needed to kiss in front of anyone (a point made by Barbara after they came back from their trip to the grocery store, barely acknowledging each other).
“You two are colder than the weather. It’s ridiculous. I can’t even believe you’re friends, let alone girlfriends.”
“Mrs. Hamilton—”
“All you do is say no, Dinah. Come on. What if someone asks you to pucker up? They always do that in the movies.” Normani had agreed, claimed it would be quick—a dry run.
She had grabbed Dinah’s hand and led her upstairs, surprising her by stopping on the second floor, pressing her against the wall, crashing her lips to Dinah’s.
It was supposed to be innocent.
But Normani was warm and tasted like hot chocolate, she was warm and her hands gripped Dinah’s waist, she was warm, and she tilted her head to the side, deepening the kiss. Because when Dinah’s hands went up to her neck, to tangle in her hair, Normani let out a soft moan, pressing even further into her—as if she wanted them to become one, to eliminate the distance, eliminate, eliminate, eliminate.
It was supposed to be innocent.
It wasn’t innocent.
It wasn’t innocent, and it was hard—it was near impossible—for Dinah to break away, to breathe, to push Normani back, to shake her head.
“Stop,” she managed, one word, one word, somehow making Normani’s face fall with the one word.
“That was—”
“Wrong.” She shook her head some more, not meeting Normani’s eyes, not wanting to see more anger, more hate, more revulsion (she had seen all that and more after Arin she was tired, oh so tired. It used to be easy. It used to be so very easy). “I’m sorry. I got carried away.”
“Right,” Normani said after a moment, and Dinah’s eyes flitted up to meet hers, shocked by the desolation she saw. “Me too. It didn’t mean anything.”
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Knowing Her ( Norminah)
Fanfictioni fell in love , everything seemed to be easy until it wasn't . Loving her was what it should be yet not in the way it should have been . PS : the story is already written and was kept hidden in the endless draft in my laptop , so i thought why no...
