Chessa - Why does it have to be like this

Hate myself

Anthony:

"Chance, Chance, you ok buddy?" I prayed.

His eyes fluttered open, but closed again. He let out a short raspy cough, and his hand was shaking.

"Jake, Tristan, Ryan, hurry up" I screamed at them.

They ran over, and we got Chance into the car. Jake drove through so many red lights to get to the hospital. We took him into emergency, and waited for answers.

Jake was impatient. He couldn't sit still and he was trembling.

"Jake, come sit down" I softly said, patting to a seat beside me.

He slowly walked over, and sighed as he sat down.

"This is all my fault" he whispered.

"No it's not. Stop thinking like that" I begged.

I hated to see Jake like this. It hurt everyone.

Jake:

Finally a doctor came out, and said we could talk to Chance. I was wary of it, because I knew he wouldn't want to talk to me. 

We walked it, and Chance was lying on the bed. He was pale, and showed no emotions on his face. I immediately felt guilty. 

"Chance, i'm so glad your'e ok" smiled Ryan.

He tried to smile back, but I could see that it was hard.

"Anthony, Tristan" he nodded. 

He then looked at me queerly. At first I saw a wave of hate, but it was quickly washed over with confusion.

"Who is he?" Chance asked the other's.

I felt heartbroken. I had known Chance for my whole life. He was my best friend. And he didn't remember me?

"I'm Jake" I stammered, hoping that he would remember me.

Chance:

I kind of felt bad. But not really. I was pretending to have amnesia and not remember Jake. 

"I don't know you" I lied.

"I'm your best friend" he looked heartbroken and about to cry.

Some best friend. 

The doctor came in so I asked him if I could leave. He said I could, and gave me medicine that I needed to take everyday.

I was in the back sitting next to Anthony, who was sitting next to Tristan, and Jake and Ryan were in the front of the car.

"You should've left me out there" I mumbled to Anthony.

He looked shocked. But I didn't care. I feel like their lives would be better without me.

"Don't say that. I wouldn't be able to live without you" he admitted.

"You'd be fine." I said. 

"No one would even notice I was gone" I accidentally said out loud.

Anthony looked over at me, his face showing signs of worry. Tristan had heard me as well, and he was looking at me in disappointment.

"Stop saying that" Tristan pleaded. 

I ignored him, and looked out of the window for the rest of the drive.

Once we got back to Ryan's house, I jumped out of the car and rushed inside before anyone else. I heard someone coming after me, but I ran up to my room and slammed the door shut, locking it. 

I kept thinking about my life. How it was useless. I had lost friends, my girlfriend. I hated myself and I wished I could look better or be better so Tessa would never have cheated on me with Jake. 

I screamed, burying my head into the pillow, then burst out in tears. I went into the bathroom, found scissors, and cut myself. It hurt so much, but I just grit my teeth and internally scream in pain. I didn't regret it.

Tristan:

Chance had locked himself in his room, and we were all worried about him.

We got something to break the lock, and when we were inside the room, we couldn't find him. I heard something in the bathroom, so I went in.

I found Chance, sitting against the bathtub, with scissors in his hand, and blood dripping onto the floor.