What About Now?

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Harley's POV

My phone started to ring. No surprise it was Ryder's number, and I'm not answering. I laid back on my bed and turned up my music. P!NK's song Runaway came on.

I could start again

Choose a family

I could change my name

Come and go as I please

In the dead of night

You'll wonder where I've gone

Wasn't it you

Wasn't it you

Wasn't it you that made me run away

Some days, I wonder if running would be easier. What if I just ran with the pennies in my pockets and started over? Would they even notice I was gone?

Yeah, I know they would, but the question is, would I care? Would I want to return to the voices that call me?

Eddie's voice? Yes. Taylor's? Arianna's? Kevin's? Yes, yes, and yes. Seamus' voice? Jade's voice? I couldn't tell you.

~~~

I was reading my book against the window seal of the living room. Eddie was writing songs at the couch, and his sister was doing homework at the kitchen table. My foster parents were both out. It's a typical Friday night at the Cardona house.

The doorbell rang, and I voluntarily got up to get it. No one else looked like they were moving anyways, and my legs needed to stretch.

I opened the door, expecting it to be a UPS delivery or something. My eyes were automatically on the ground when I looked outside, hoping for a package or something. Imagine my surprise when I saw a holy pair of jeans, following them up to two hands holding a white teddy bear and a face I hate to admit is cute.

"Go away, Ryder. I don't want you in my life anymore." I hissed.

"Please, Harley?" He sweetly asked. "I got straight, I'm focusing on school again, and playing guitar in my pass time instead of getting high. All I'm missing is you. In fact, all I do is miss you. I'm sorry I ever hurt you, please?"

"I- I've just had a long day, long week... In fact, I've just had a long couple of months. I don't know, I really don't." I stammered. "I just need to think."

Ryder smiled, and it wasn't his cocky grin either; it was a genuine honey filled smile. He places the white teddy bear in my hands, and a piece of paper slipped into my palm as he did so.

"Take all the time you need, just please, tell me any answer, even if the answer is to fuck off. Of course, that's not the answer I'd prefer, but I'd still take it."

"Thanks, Ryder." I replied. "Have a good night."

"You too." He said as he started to head back to his bike.

I closed the door, sliding down it and hearing the roar of his Indian Motorcycle. Fuck fuck fuck, our love triangle just expanded.

Eddie hovered over me, his keys in his hand. He had his jacket on, must be going somewhere.

"Harles, can I get to the door?" He asked, giggling.

"Only if you tell me where you're going." I taunted in return as I looked up at him.

Eddie sighed, rolling his eyes. "To see someone, you don't know her."

"Who says I don't?" I asked.

"She just moved here from out of town. I met her when I went to go tease Aleks at work the other day."

"Ah," I responded as I started to stand up. Then a thought hit me and I placed my hand over the door nob. "What's her name?"

"Why do you... Never mind, you'll make me tell you whether I want to or not." Eddie joked, with some truth to it. "Her name is Genesis."

"Hm, I see, and are you and her... A thing?" I questioned, giving him a motherly eye.

"I don't know yet." He admitted. "I like her and all, but it's just flirting level. Now, can I please go before I miss my movie date?"

I moved out of the way, quickly saying my goodbyes to him. As if my life wasn't complicated enough, my adopted brother and soul moral support got a girlfriend! This day couldn't go any better!

After locking the front door again, I ran up to my room and shut the door. The rain started to pour. It's late March, and everything is finally starting to clear up, thank God. I'm not much of a snow person, but I love rain. It's just so soothing.

I sat down on the window seat, watching as the rain drops painted the glass. The teddy bear rested in my lap. It was white, fluffy, with a ruby red bow around it's neck. I looked at the piece of paper Ryder slipped in with it.

It was a letter, written purely in his boyish handwriting. On the backside was a note, saying Harley, this was a letting I wrote for you when I was in rehab. At first, I was too scared to send it, but I hope it helps to show you that I truly love you. I'm so sorry I hurt you so much.

I turned it over to read the actual letter. As I did so, What About Now by Daughtry came on the radio. Oh, fan-fucking-tastic.

Dear Harley,

I hope you know, all I've thought about since I detoxed is you. The drugs really fucked me up, and I forgot about what truly mattered. They fogged my vision until I couldn't see your beautiful face again.

The days feel long again, like they should, and you're all I can think about, non stop; how I screwed up, how I hurt you, how I can never take it all back, but most importantly, how I love you.

I really, truly, love you. I swear to God, I'll never go back, I won't. I'm staying straight, for you, because you're worth it. Every second I spend in this building is worth it. I'm ready to start over, if you're willing to start over with me, please. Let's have a fresh start.

Start over...

I love you, Harley, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I hope you feel the same way.

Love,

Ryder

He said start over... that's all I want right now, is a fresh start. Maybe I should, just try.

I stopped to listen to the rain, hearing only the drops hitting the window, and my own heartbeat in my ears, as the lyric's played through me, rattling me down to my bones.

What about now?

What about today?

What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?

What if our love never went away?

What if it's lost behind words we could never find?

Baby, before it's too late,

What about now?

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