Unusual Weapons

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Dean Winchester x Reader

Synopsis: For a challenge on Tumblr. Dean and the reader stumble upon a ghost wrecking havic in the most unlikely of places. Don't ask, I have no idea how I came up with this.

You never expected to find a ghost hunt funny. Gross, sure. Annoying, even more so. But never funny. Usually they were whiny, pathetic shells of their former selves, hell bent on staying and causing disruption. Sometimes even turning evil.

This hunt had been weird from the get go. Sam had ended up staying back in the hotel room, a horrible sprained ankle that kept him from hobbling on those long legs of his. Usually he was tough enough to ignore the pain and continue on, but when your ankle is bruised and swollen, he had been forced to stay back.

Leaving you and Dean to take on the spirit. Come to find out it was haunting the local adult store, making fun of the patron's choices, and had just recently turned deadly. "What a horrible way to go." You had whispered, staring down at the victim. You couldn't pull your eyes away from the horrible sight in front of you. The dead man was laying on his back, his face purple and mottled. But that wasn't the worst part. It was the extreme dildo sticking out of his mouth, shoved as far in as it could go. Supposedly it had suffocated him.

"Damn, that is not right." Dean muttered, before walking over and talking to the sheriff in charge.

"Such a shame. He was one of our best customers too." The shop owner said as he came to stand beside you. He was a large burly man, with a bald head and tattoos covering his arms and neck.

"Who would do this to him?" You asked, even though you had an idea. Your EVP meter had gone haywire as soon as you had walked into the building, giving you an idea that you were working with a spirit.

After finishing up your conversation, you had left the store, heading to the nearest diner for food and a chance to talk about the case. Sliding into the booth, you quickly ordered your favorite sandwich, waiting for Dean to finish his usual order of cheeseburgers. As you waited, you tucked your hands into your pockets, surprised when you felt something in there that shouldn't be. Pulling it out, you blushed bright red to see a bright red vibrator in your hand.

Hearing a chuckle, you were mortified to see both Dean and the waitress staring your way. Hastily, you shoved it back into your coat, wishing you were someplace else. As soon as the waitress left, Dean leaned forward, a mischievous smile letting you know you were in trouble. "Y/N, if I knew you needed help with that, you wouldn't have needed to buy a Vibrator."

"Dean, I didn't buy it!" You argued. "It was placed by someone in my pocket. Maybe the ghost!"

"So you're saying we have a ghost with a sexual fetish." He thought out loud. "That's interesting. And different for a change. To bad Sam's missing out on this. We could have had fun picking on him."

"Dean, it's not funny. That waitress thinks I have a problem." You grumbled, just as the waitress came forward, setting the plates down with a bang. Without even looking at you, she took off, obviously uncomfortable being around you.

"So I think we should head back to the store tonight. See if we can find anything out." Dean said, his mouth full of hamburger.

Stirring your French fry in ketchup, you let Dean know what you had learned at the store. "Talked to the owner. Weird guy. Said the dead guy was a regular customer. Also said something about an associate who died a couple months ago. Might be our ghost. Only problem. Owner dude said the guy was cremated."

"So now what? We find out where he used to live? But why is he haunting the store and not his apartment."

Finally taking a bite, you waited a minute to answer. "Because he used to live above the store. Something up there probably has him tied to both places." You explained.

Soon enough the two of you were leaving the diner, the waitress glaring at you as you walked out. "I don't think I'm welcomed back here." You muttered, earning a chuckle from Dean.

"We'll find another place for breakfast." He assured you before climbing into the Impala. The store was only about ten minutes away, and soon Dean was picking the lock to the back door.

Walking inside the storage room, you could hear the sounds of a struggle coming from the main store. Nodding your head towards Dean, the two of you pulled out your sawed off shot guns, ready to shoot on sight.

Holding his fingers up, Dean counted to three before shoving the door open. As you moved to rush in behind him, you crashed into his back. Something in the main room had frozen Dean to the spot. Standing on your tip toes, you glanced over Dean's shoulder, immediately seeing what had him so enraptured.

The owner was currently tied to a chair in the middle of the room. Pink, cheetah print handcuffs cuffing his feet and hands to the chair. A ball gag was stuffed into his mouth. His shirt was spread wide open, nipple clamps tightened painfully. You could make out the ghosts dancing around the room as a loud, sultry song played on the radio. The ghost had once been a man, a very scrawny and pale looking man with freckles and red hair. He was currently waving around what may have been a butt plug with a tail attached, and you hoped he wasn't planning on using it on the poor owner.

"Well that thing is having the time of it's life." Dean muttered, still in stock as the ghost smacked the owner with looked like a soft leather whip.

"I never thought I would see something like this. A ghost using sex toys to torture it's victim's." You answered, wincing as the ghost smacked harder, slicing open the owner's chest.

With a shake of his head, Dean held his gun up, hitting the ghost with a round of salt pellets. The owner glanced over at you, mumbling around his gag, making absolutely no sense whatsoever. Racing over, you had trouble undoing the gag, but finally getting it undone.

"Quick. Any ideas what could be tethering him here?" You asked him, just as the ghost came back. This time he wasn't alone. In his arms was a large inflatable sex doll. "Really?" You asked, quickly shooting at the ghost, deflating the doll in the process.

"By the cash register. His prized stash was left there. Probably why he's haunting the damn place."

As you raced over to the cash register, you saw Dean fighting the ghost who was currently smacking him with a big, purple dildo. Wishing you had time to take a picture, you quickly found the tin box. Inside was a couple of porn magazines, along with something you didn't even recognize. Grimacing with disgust, you quickly salted the entire box, dumping into the trashcan before lighting it on fire. As you waited for it to burn, you watched as Dean picked up the first thing he could find, striking through the ghost with a feather duster. Shaking your head, you were relieved when the ghost started flaming up, vanishing from the room.

Sometime later, after the owner had thanked you many times, sending the both of you home with a couple of gifts, you slowly opened the door to the motel room. Sam was lounging against the headboard, his foot propped up.

"How was the hunt?" He asked, turning the TV off and facing the two of you. Sharing a look, you couldn't keep the smile off of your face.

"It's a story for another night. When we're drunk." Dean announced, chucking his boots off and landing on the bed with a sigh.

"But you got the ghost?" Sam questioned.

"Yep. The ghost and some presents." You answered, a mischievous glint in your eyes as you patted your jackets pocket.

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