Pretending (A Calum Hood Fan Fiction)

Chapter 66: Her

The past few days had been really good. I spent most of my time with the few people I call my friends, who even became my little family when I needed one. It wasn't that easy to tell them that I will be away in a few days. I was never good at saying goodbye. I grew up leaving things behind me, without even caring about what happened to what I left behind. Seeing my friends being happy makes me feel the same thing, and at the same time, it breaks my heart. In a few days, I wouldn't be able to see it anymore. I will be alone again in my own little cold world. I wonder if it would be easy for me to adjust at all the things that would be around me there. It is still a part of Sydney, but I will be two hours away. I would be busy, that I wouldn't be able to take enough time to visit. I know I could still choose to stay, but all I wanted is for my life to start being right and getting accepted at a university is probably my first step. I couldn't let go of it, even though I know I would be saying goodbye and leave a lot of things behind my previous life.

It's a Friday afternoon, and I decided to started packing the things that I would be needing for my stay in there. I have packed some of my favorite books, my favorite albums of my favorite bands, and more stuff that I could use to keep me entertained. I walked to my dresser and started sorting my clothes out. I looked at all my clothes and realized that I wouldn't be able to wear much of my choices of outfit anymore. I would probably miss wearing them. I can't enter the university wearing a black band shirt and a ripped skinny jeans with my worn out converse like I usually do at school. I know I could still wear them, but not just that quite often anymore. I folded my favorite set of clothes and placed it back neatly on my dresser. I grabbed my newly bought ones, the clothes that would make me look decent, and probably nice. I laughed at my own thoughts. This time, I guess, I wouldn't be scaring students whenever I walk the hallways at uni. No one would call me 'homeless' anymore because of the absence of the ripped part on my knees. I would miss them so much, even though all I got were negative comments about it. I never did care anyway. But that would probably one of the things that I would miss. Getting called a freak, a homeless teenager, a weirdo with pink tips who wears crappy band shirts, and more. They were all bad, but I would miss them. They make my day, to be honest. There are just some things that are really hard to let go, but I had to do a little bit of changing. This is probably a great part of moving on.

I folded my choices of outfit and placed it neatly on my little suit. It was small but I managed to fit all the clothes I decided to bring. I zipped it lock, making all the clothes I need packed. I stared at my black suitcase, somehow feeling incomplete. I walked back to my dresser and started rummaging for a particular cloth. I almost got everything out when I found what I was looking for. I grabbed it and did the usual thing I always do. I smiled as I hugged his sweater. No matter how many times I have washed it, it stays the same. It still smell just like him. I folded and tried to fit it inside my suitcase. I know it'll be better if I should just leave it behind, but I couldn't let go. I know I need to move on, but even just that, that sweater that means so much to me, let it stay with me.

I started packing the two pairs of shoes I decided to bring as well, and all of the personal things and toiletries I need. I know I still have two more days left, but I wanted to make sure that I won't be leaving important things behind.

Even if it was too dramatic to do, I still had a little tour in my room. I started walking towards my bookshelf. These books were my friends too, and still are. They gave me the company I needed when I have no one to talk to before. Even though I have read them for times that my fingers couldn't even manage to count, I still read them. I would miss how I would sort it according to my most favorite down to the least one every week. Back when going out wasn't in my routine before, sorting my books every Saturday night is what keeps me busy. It entertains me a lot, especially because I could get to read some snippets and smell it. I love smelling books. When I get to the university, I wouldn't be able to do this anymore. Of course I would be flooded with books, but nothing beats the books in my shelf. Even though they don't talk, or even move, they gave me the company that I needed when I didn't have one before.