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"Just tonight, I will stay and we'll throw it all away..." - Just Tonight - The Pretty Reckless

His kiss sends me to a different planet

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His kiss sends me to a different planet. Better yet, his kiss sends me out of body. The way his lips move against mine was like they were meant for each other. He's got me pinned to his lumpy twin sized bed with the lights dimmed low. Our clothes are residing on the floor with our consciences. My nails are embedded into his sides as I feel him press against me.

I pull away from our heated kiss to throw my head back in pleasure. A throaty moan escapes my lips while he moves his kisses from my jaw down to my neck. This moment is what we've been waiting for. All the stares and small talk have lead us here and I couldn't feel more sublime. Everything feels right.

But there's something wrong.

I can feel it bubbling in my stomach and suddenly I'm sweating bullets. My head won't stop pounding and my eyes feel like they're on fire, no matter how hard I blink the pain doesn't stop. The air grows thinner and it feels as if I'm trapped under water. Lip's body suddenly feels like a stack of bricks sitting on my chest. I move my head to try and receive more air but Lip's body molds to mine every way I move.

I need to breathe.

Suddenly, I feel bile rise and the need to move intensifies. With weak arms, I push Lip off of me causing him to fall to the ground with a loud thump.

"What the fuck is your problem, Cash?" He says in an aggravated tone on the ground.

I place my hand over my mouth and dart to the waste basket by his roommate's bed before throwing up everything inside of me. I continue gagging up all the contents in my body as worry begins to set in. My head is on fire and I can feel sweat drenching every inch of my body. I feel myself start to intensely shake and tears pour down my face. Anxiety.

"Hey," I hear Lip say in a worry toned as he kneels next to me and pulls my hair back, "Let it out." He mumbles while rubbing my back in a soothing motion.

Once I'm positive the bile stops, I run my hand over my mouth and lean back against his roommate's bed. I close my eyes, taking in the burn in my throat and nose. I try and think about the last thing I ate which wasn't anything out of the ordinary. I haven't thrown up for a long time. But it's then that I remember how many pills I took before taking those lines with Renee.

I cover my face with my hands and begin to cry. In this moment, I feel so small and powerless to my mind. My addict is winning and I'm letting her.

Lip sits back and places his arm around me, pulling me closer to his side. Warmth washes over me like it normally does when he's around. But I feel dirty next to him. Looking at the larger picture here, Lip is a college boy who's trying to better his life and I'm nothing more than the girl who likes to chase after chaos. I know I shouldn't be here, I'll only ruin what he's got going for himself.

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