August 16, 2017 (30 weeks)
"How are you holding up?" Louis asks as I pull up my shirt for him. There is a certain awkwardness lurking around with Harry and Zayn in the same room. Both stand in a uniformed pose with their arms tightly folded against their chests.
My mother sits in the corner madly texting my brothers who were running errands for her. The only problem with my brothers doing favors for anyone is they constantly call and text with questions. Instead of using their best judgment on what milk percentage to buy they call and bother my mom with questions.
"Honestly I am ready to tear this baby out of me. My back feels like it is slowly going to break and I can't take in a deep breath if my life depended on it. But other than that it's peachy!" I give a thumbs up and a sarcastic looking smile. "Oh and I'm also horny twenty-four seven! I thought that was supposed to decrease from fatigue but I'm the horniest marshmallow you've ever seen."
Zayn chokes back a laugh while Louis gives me a smile and responds, "Everyone is affected differently some have a higher sex drive then others some aren't sexually interested at all." Louis explains turning on the monitor and squeezing the gel all over my bulging stomach.
"But none the less you are almost there! 10 more weeks and you will be done!" Louis enthuses circling the monitor to get a good view on Scout.
"Oh my god look she's sucking her thumb!" My mom points out as we see Scout scrunched up with her thumb in her mouth. My heart melts seeing the image of her up on the screen, I could only imagine what it's going to be like when I see her in person.
"Baby's develop self-soothing methods in the womb, it's very typical to see them sucking their thumbs," Louis informs us as my eyes stay trained on Scout who has no clue that we can even see her.
I wondered who she would look like and who she would act like. She was such a mystery to all of us. I couldn't wait till she was in my arms, till I could look at her beautiful eyes and tell her how much I loved her.
"So how is she doing?" I ask Louis who shuts off the monitor and rolls over to hand me a scratchy paper towel to wipe off the gel.
"She is a very healthy baby, however, I do have a concern." Louis starts and I sit up to listen. I could really use some good news right now but it didn't look like that was the case. Whenever someone used the word, however, there was always a catch to things.
"Is something wrong?" I ask feeling a hand on my shoulder, I know it's Harry's from the rings that graze my shirt.
"Well, babies should be in an anterior presentation which is when the baby's head is face down. In the anterior position, the baby sits snugly into the curve of your pelvis. Well, your baby is in a breech presentation which means she is in a longitudinal lie with the buttocks or feet closest to the cervix." Louis explains to me while I put a hand over my stomach. He then takes my hand and shows me what he means, guiding my hand to where Scout's little head sat.
"What happens during delivery if she's in this position?" I ask Louis getting a little more than concerned. The heat was rising up on my cheeks as I searched for an answer to fix all of this. There had to be something we could do to flip her into the correct presentation.
"When her hips are delivered first, often times your pelvis isn't large enough for the head to be delivered as well. This results in the baby getting stuck in the birth canal, umbilical blockage or damage, which reduces the baby's oxygen flow and could ultimately cause injury or death." My head is spinning out of control. I couldn't lose another baby, not again. I had already lost one baby and I wasn't going to lose my little Scout.
"What can we do to fix this? Can we get her to move positions?" My mother jumps into the questioning while I look over at Harry who grabs my limp hand that is dangling by my side. The warmth of his hand comforts me in this scary situation I never thought I would be in.
"The further along Madeline gets the less room the baby has to move. Sometimes babies will flip around on their own and sometimes they won't. If she hasn't moved by 36 or 37 weeks we can try an EVC procedure or we may need to plan for a C-section since a vaginal birth is out of the question with breech babies." I have a glimmer of hope when I see what timeline I have to get Scout to flip into the correct presentation. I had to get her to move, whatever it took I was willing to do and try it. I didn't want a C-section, I didn't want to be cut open and have all my organs taken out. My palms sweat as I squeeze Harry's hand for support and comfort.
"What is an EVC?" I ask not ever hearing of the procedure that we have to option to try. The back of my neck is sweaty as the room becomes more and more stuffy. The room shrunk but it was probably just a reaction to my stress and anxiety.
"External cephalic version is a procedure used to turn your baby from a breech position or side-lying position into a head-down position before labor begins. We want to give her the chance to move on her own but if she can't then I will go in and try to guide her into it." Louis explains making everything easier to understand. I knew medical procedures could get complicated so it was nice to have Louis walk me through what would happen if we did decide to go through with the EVC.
"God.." I breathe in looking up at Harry to gives me a comforting smile and a squeeze of my hand he held onto. He was my breath of fresh air, no matter how cheesy and cringe that sounded.
"She will be okay, she can do this and if not you heard Louis he can help her," Harry says as a hurricane of thoughts washes over my mind. This was the anxiety brushing against me as I began to feel an overwhelming fear for Scout and myself. Every horrible outcome is created and over thought as I sit while my mother and Harry continue to converse with Louis.
"Madeline? Sweetheart?" My mother's voice echoes in my head but I keep my eyes fixated on the blank ultrasound monitor. My free hand is laying on top of my stomach that is ever moving with Scout being so active. I am consumed with thoughts that take me into a downward spiral as if I am Alice falling down the rabbit hole.
"Madeline? Can you hear me?" Louis' voice comes into play but I don't stray from my blank stare. I am completely zoned out while being eaten alive by my own mind and thoughts that bubbled in every corner of my brain. A hot sweat runs down my neck and continues to roll down my spine, every sound is amplified in a loud echo that rings in my ears. I don't realize that I am grasping for air because I am too concentrated on my looming dark thoughts.
"I...." I can't seem to complete a sentence as I look over at Louis who is assisting in laying me back down on the exam chair. My head is gently settled on the papered, cushioned exam chair. Everything is happening in a daze as my vision blurs and I blink rapidly to try and adjust to what is happening.
My hands shake and my skin crawls when I imagine all the things that could go wrong during my labor. Delivery was coming up soon and after hearing that Scout was not properly positioned added onto the overwhelming fear of giving birth I didn't know how to cope.
Louis coaxed me drink water to which I do and feel a little relief from the heat my body is conducting naturally. He gets me to breath normally again and does what he can to bring down my anxiety levels that are sky rocketing.
"I know that this is really overwhelming right now Madeline but I promise everything is going to be alright. The baby will be just fine and so will you, I know it's hard but try to not stress too much about it. I'm going to take care of you both." Louis pats my leg as I hold the paper cup half full of water. I nod my head and try to calm my mind and remind myself that Louis and my supporters would be there every step of the way. I just had to put out good vibes and maybe karma would come back and do me a solid by making Scout move into the correct presentation.
I knew most of the time karma was a bitch but maybe she had her moments of bliss.
N. You guys are seriously amazing! I will be double updating today since you earned it! As you are reading this I am finishing up writing the chapter:) thoughts or predictions?
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