The Dream That Was

Spawn - 1948

After visiting with his mother at her house in Urbia, Brendan decided to return to the place where he had ventured out to with the intent of taking photographs back in 1971. He recalled watching the earthmovers tear up the land, and the barn that was being torn down. Now, thirteen years later, he knew that the place would be nothing like he remembered it on that day.

Even though he had returned often, it always felt strange coming back to Urbia. Today he knew Sandford was out of town. He never visited Sandford because he knew that Sandford did not want to see him. In a way, he felt like he was unwelcome, even though Urbia was where he grew up.

When he finally arrived at the spot where he was going to take those photographs years ago, he felt his stomach sink. Instead of open fields, the area was now a fully completed subdivision. It was to be expected, but for Brendan, it was still shocking to see.

Brendan parked his car and walked up one of the streets. On either side were fairly large houses. The thing that kept running through Brendan's mind was the fact that these houses were now old. They clearly showed signs of ageing. Even though they were for the most part well taken care of, it was clear that they were no longer new. How could it be that the last time he had been here he could still see open spaces, and now, he could only see houses which were more than a decade old? The thought terrified him.

The thought that he too was getting old jolted Brendan. He was now thirty-one. Did he show his age as much as these houses did, he wondered? But even though they were older houses they still were lived in and loved. He looked at the care that had been taken by most of the homeowners to manicure the lawns and to paint the houses. A few of the houses even had new windows put in. Still another house had an addition built onto the back. The houses had evolved over the past decade. In a way, it was almost as if they were alive. There was something kinetic about the whole idea. Just like the land was morphed into the subdivision before him, the houses were now also morphing into something different.

As he walked along, Brendan watched the many families that called this place home. He passed by several children playing on the street or on the front lawn of a house. He watched as families went for walks with their children and dogs. He noticed a pregnant woman. It was suburbia at its finest. People came here to spawn, Brendan thought. They laid their eggs and watched their pupae grow. It all made him smirk. When had he become so jaded, Brendan wondered.

Perhaps it was because he lived in a different world from these people that made Brendan view the scene before him from an outside periphery. He could never in his life have what he saw before him. He would never have a wife and two-point-five children. He was gay. But he was happy. Brendan would not have it any other way.

But thinking about it all made Brendan wonder if he and Horatio would ever fit in at such a place anyway. Maybe it was not so bad after all that they would never live here. But deep down inside he knew that there was something about Urbia that was so alluring. Maybe it was also because the place rightfully belonged to Brendan and Horatio, as it had initially been built for them. But that right had been taken away from them because they did not fit into the mould, like all of the other happy heterosexual couples that called Urbia home.

Brendan continued his walk, and wandered all the way over to the former model home where he and Horatio had sneaked into as teens to make love. Sure enough, there was a family living in it now. On the front porch a mother sat and watched over her son who was playing on the front lawn.

Brendan cracked a smile as he looked up at the front master bedroom window. That was where two men made love twelve years ago. He almost wanted to go up to the mother and tell her that. Surely she would have been horrified.

He looked at the little boy playing happily by himself. What if he grew up to be gay? Would his mother accept it? Would the boy have to leave Urbia too? Would times eventually change so that he would be accepted here? There was no way Brendan could have the answers.

Looking at the other houses on the street, Brendan started thinking about what went on inside. Even though everything looked perfect on the outside, things could be different behind closed doors. He remembered Meredith's mother. She had put on airs but was not really happy.

As he made his way over to Urbia Road, Brendan noticed how much busier the place had become. He knew that it would only get worse as the population continued to grow. He was utterly taken aback by the number of cars that were on the road.

Brendan crossed the road at a set of traffic lights. He passed by a stopped transport truck as he traversed the intersection. It was a cool autumn day, and he could feel the intense heat of the truck's engine against his skin. It rumbled as if it were alive beside him. He looked at the massive wheels and shuddered. Brendan had always had a fear of large trucks. He thought of how they dwarfed a person standing next to them. Brendan never really liked any of the powerful colossal machines like trucks and trains. They moved far too fast and were excessively frightening for him. In his imagination he sometimes pictured himself in the path of one of these beasts. His body would be no match to their power. He sometimes had dreams of being pinned under the wheel of a tractor-trailer. To him this fear was very real one.

Brendan quickly hurried past the truck to the safety of the sidewalk. He looked north up Urbia Road, and knew that there were newer subdivisions up there. He knew that they were now under Dagny's control. Poor Sandford, he thought. Little did he know just how dangerous his power-hungry daughter could be.

Brendan refrained from walking farther north. He did not want to further witness the destruction of the land. He remembered what he had observed in 1971, and did not want to view the same thing again. He also figured that today construction equipment would probably be more modern, and thus more brutal than it was even back then. The transport truck in the intersection had posed enough of an uncomfortable situation for one day.

Now as he drove back to Toronto, Brendan decided that he was no longer sad about not living in Urbia. Even though he still loved the place, it was not the same as it had been. Since he had left, it had grown so much and would continue to grow. He also knew that Dagny would, no doubt, make it grow even faster. She was both power and money hungry, and would certainly squeeze everything out of the place that she could. He then remembered an article that he read a couple of days ago. It was about the fact that Villeneuve had just released their plans for a complex of high-rise condominiums in Urbia.

Brendan decided that in a way it was better that Horatio had not been back. It would be too much for him to handle. Urbia was all grown up. Perhaps it was the memory of the place as it used to be that should remain with him.